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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The process diagram illustrates the manufacture the bricks for the building industry in 7 steps.

The process diagram illustrates the manufacture the bricks for the building industry in 7 steps.
#process #manufacture #bricks #industry #steps
The process diagram illustrates the manufacture
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
bricks
 for the building industry in 7 steps. As can be seen in the graph, there are seven steps to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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bricks
 for
a
Change the article
an
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 industry. When we
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 a closer look
in
Change preposition
at
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 the first step; there is
a
Remove the article
apply
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one digger to take
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
clay
in to
Join the words
into
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 the soil. They
take
Wrong verb form
took
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 off the
clay
 and the
clay
 was put into a metal grid by the employees. After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 they use a roller to separate the huge clays.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 they put water and salt into the
clay
then
 they use a mould to build new
bricks
.
Its
Correct your spelling
It's
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 crystal clear that they use a drying oven to dry all of the
bricks
 in approximately 24-48 hours. On top of that, they put the
bricks
 into a moderate
kiln
in
Change preposition
at
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 200 – 980 degrees when the moderate
kiln
 is done they put them in the high
kiln
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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depends
Wrong verb form
depending
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to
Change preposition
on
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 870 to 1300 degrees above the
bricks
. The third step is about the
kiln
 is ,
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
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 chamber ; the
bricks
puts
Change the verb form
put
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 into there and they are cooling for 48 to 72 hours.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 they are
packaging
Wrong verb form
packaged
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 and starting to be delivered
Overall
, as can be seen in the graph, there are several steps to do
bricks
.
Submitted by haticecoza on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bricks, clay, kiln with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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