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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of computers sold at three conputer stores in Ho Chi Minh city between 2000 and 2005.

The chart below shows the number of computers sold at three conputer stores in Ho Chi Minh city between 2000 and 2005.
#computers #three #conputer #stores #chi #minh #city
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A glance at the provided line graph describes
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how
computer
Use synonyms
 sales at three
computer
Use synonyms
 stores in Ho Chi Minh City changed ranging from 2000 to 2005. On the whole, the auction of
computers
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 at the Tech Guys and
Computer
Use synonyms
 Plus
were
Change the verb form
was
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 by far the predominant category, though to a varying degree.
There
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 was
also
Linking Words
 noteworthy that
computer
Use synonyms
deal
Fix the agreement mistake
deals
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 showed a downward trend in all given years at Laptop World. Focusing on the markets
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
be observed
Wrong verb form
observe
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 a soar
of
Change preposition
in
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 business in 2000, 4, 000
computers
Use synonyms
 were sold at
Computer
Use synonyms
 Plus, and
this
Linking Words
 figure
experienced
Verb problem
apply
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more than doubled two years later, with a high of 10, 000. It,
however
Linking Words
,
declin
Correct your spelling
declined
decline
 to its initial level in 2003.
This
Linking Words
 decline continued until the next
year
Use synonyms
 with a record low number of
computers
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 being sold, at around 3, 000 respectively, before sales bounced back to 6, 000 in the final
year
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. The figure for the Tech Guys was relatively stable at 5, 000 in the first two years, after which it significantly went up to a chart high of 14, 000 in 2005.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
computers
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 sold at Laptop World went down substantially, albeit standing at 8, 000
initially
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
computer
Correct word choice
and computer
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 marketing at
this
Linking Words
 store decreased
with
Change preposition
by
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 2, 000 within the first
year
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. Even though
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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 remained at
this
Linking Words
 level until 2003, after that they declined by another 2, 000 in the following
year
Use synonyms
, at which point they remained stable until the end of the period.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, computers, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sales figures
  • trend
  • growth
  • decline
  • anomalies
  • market share
  • year-on-year
  • peak sales
  • fluctuation
  • steady increase
  • dramatic drop
  • period
  • lead in sales
  • comparison
  • exceed
  • data points
  • speculation
  • observation
  • analysis
  • computer retailer
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