IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol.

Many individuals we know personally have their vices. The most common of them all are smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 & drinking
alcohol
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. Abuse of hard
drugs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as heroin and cocaine is considered taboo in society and amongst family & friends. I believe the restriction on hard
drugs
Use synonyms
 should not be lifted, but the laws on cigarettes and liquor consumption should
also
Linking Words
 be tightened. Consumption of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 is indeed the leading cause of various health issues and public concerns. It can cause cancer, heart disease, and addiction to smoking. Secondhand smoke
also
Linking Words
 affects other people with issues of a similar degree.
Conversely
Linking Words
, excessive consumption of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 the leading cause of liver disease, diabetes, and an increased risk of cancer.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 lead to rowdy and unpleasant
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in individuals, leading to physical altercations, domestic abuse, and accidents caused by driving under the influence.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these types of substances should be
scrutinized
Change the spelling
scrutinised
show examples
 in the same way as the government does for hard
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 are substantially less damaging and addictive than cocaine or heroin.
For instance
Linking Words
, the general public can safely consume
alcohol
Use synonyms
 without letting it get out of hand. Plus, it
also
Linking Words
 allows people to get comfortable in a social setting. Smoking is just as bad, but the banning of the substance can lead people to seek out hard
drugs
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, which are tenfold harmful than
tobacco
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. In conclusion, there should not be a ban on the sale of
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and liquor legally, as they do pose problems for society.
Drugs
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, expose individuals to much higher risks, legally and health-wise. The government should invest in educational campaigns, advertisements, and policies that help citizens make an informed choice.

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task
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the end. Some ideas are not fully shown; add more detail and proof.
coherence
Use clear order of ideas. Use link words to show how ideas connect. Some sentences are long; break them into smaller parts.
content
The essay shows a clear stance and a plan to tax or tighten rules on tobacco and alcohol.
content
It discusses health harms and social issues from tobacco and alcohol.
structure
There is a simple, clear structure with intro, body and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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