IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own answers.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #answers
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Although
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 many individuals think that
people
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 who have academic degrees and practical experiences like doctors and engineers are forced to
work
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 in the
country
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 where they learn these skills others have another sight and they believe that professionals could have their jobs everywhere they aspire. Both of these views will be
further
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 discussed in the following paragraphs. In my opinion, every person must be free to make decisions about the place they want to
work
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 regardless of which
country
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did their
Verb problem
they are
show examples
 training
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 On the one hand, some
people
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 say that a skilled person should be employed in the
country
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 where they acquired these experiences. These
people
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 believe that their government invests a vast amount of money in their universities and departments which nourishes the professionals and
also
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 teaches them how to
work
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.
Accordingly
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, expect the doctors and engineers who studied in their
country
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 to live and
work
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 in their
country
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 and give service to them.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 have the opinion that everyone should be free to choose the
country
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 where they want to
work
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.
This
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 group of
people
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 believes That every human is free to make decisions about their fate and has the right to choose which
country
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 is appropriate for living in.
In addition
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, there are some
people
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 who want to follow their ambition and go abroad for education, which is their childhood dream.
Therefore
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, there should not be any force on someone to
work
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 in the place where they studied. In summary,
people
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 are only two groups; some believe every
people
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 should be free to choose the
country
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 want to
work
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 in, and others think doctors and engineers must
work
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 in the
country
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 where have learned how to
work
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. I personally believe that the first view is better because God created all
people
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 free so they should be free and without any force to make decisions.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a logical flow and structure to your essay. While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, some of the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the support for your main points. While the essay touches on both views and provides a personal opinion, the arguments would benefit from more developed examples and detailed explanations.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task prompt. You've made a good attempt at discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Elaborate on your ideas further to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main ideas. Aim to make your points clearer and substantiate them with specific and relevant examples. Doing so will enhance the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. Your essay lacks detailed examples that could make your arguments more persuasive and relevant. Drawing on real-life situations or hypothetical cases could greatly strengthen your task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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