IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people like to spend their leisure time after work with their coworkers while others like to keep their private life separate from work. Discuss both sides.

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Nowadays individuals prefer to enjoy their free
time
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 with colleagues at
work
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.
in contrast
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, others choose not to mingle between their private life and professional life.
This
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 essay will discuss both views
hence
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 I feel that for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
Initially
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, most people fraternize with their friends at
work
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 they like to spend their memorable moment together because every team in the
work
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 have a strong connection
In addition
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 many workers practice different activities in leisure
time
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 as well.
For example
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, national companies organize many activities yearly or weekly through it the personnel feel they have a strong bond with colleagues physically and mentally. So that will make the human beings willing to
work
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.
Secondly
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, there are other generations who do not prefer to spend their leisure
time
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 with friends. once they have finished their
work
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 they go directly to their home
Consequently
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 there are some people who opt to give their free
time
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 to their family and kids as well
therefore
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 some workers said, they spend the whole day with coworkers becauseuse that they no need to see them at the leisure
time
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.
For instance
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. International studies say people who separate their own life from
work
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 are successful in their occupation because the brain gives an amount of energy fairly to both. In conclusion, it is frequently said that spending
time
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 with coworkers naturally in their free
time
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 has a positive effect at
work
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although
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 that assists in keeping the personnel understand each other in the
work
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. As I mentioned, a successful corporation relies on enjoying
together with
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 a wider sphere of friends.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should outline the purpose of the essay and introduce the main points. The body should discuss each viewpoint in separate paragraphs with supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion should summarize the points and state your own viewpoint. Your essay has a recognizable structure, but it needs a more explicit statement of your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with clear main ideas, use cohesive devices to link your ideas and arguments across the essay. Sentences within paragraphs should be linked logically, with the use of transition words where appropriate. Currently, there are some abrupt transitions and ideas are not fully expanded upon, which affects the flow.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. You should discuss both views equally and provide a clear personal stance at the end. Your own viewpoint is not clear in the conclusion. Additionally, when discussing both views, include more focused arguments and specific, relevant examples to strengthen your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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