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Band 4

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperature rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experiences or knowledge

#evidence #activities #temperatures #temperature #experiences
Nowadays
has been
Wrong verb form
it is
show examples
clean
Correct your spelling
clear
show examples
 that
due to
 various experiments that men have done most of them help in the
rise
 of global
temperature
they
Correct pronoun usage
There
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 are various
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 to do
this
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay, will explore the main causes
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
temperature
 increased rapidly and provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
effective
Add an article
an effective
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 and practical solution
to begin
 with, there have been many activities which endangered the life of many
human
Change to a plural noun
humans
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because of
temperature
rise
,
firstly
,
due to
 the emission of harmful gases from
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
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which helps to
enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 global warming as these gases combine with other useful resources to create dirt and pollution
for instance
, a report from UNICEF show that newly 63% of cars and other transports uses a diesel oil which main factor of global warming
secondly
, dirt from factories and industries in the form of fumes
while
 making, may
also
 contribute hugely that help to make air warmer.
finally
, the using of fossil fuel which is immensely used by most of the countries for generating electricity or power may
also
 be one of the major reasons why the
rise
 a
temperature
 happening
thus
 a proper need of solution must be acquired to lessen than it
on the other hand
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are many ways to
curtile
Correct your spelling
alleviate
this
 problem primarily,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
use of electric
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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instead
 of diesel
engine
Fix the agreement mistake
engines
show examples
 which may help to reduce the figure of
surroundings
Correct article usage
the surroundings
show examples
. even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the making of everyday needs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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essential
from
Change preposition
for
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 industries
yet
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, a proper establishment of cleaning must be there to safe the ozone layer which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us from outside rays. at the same time, energy
creating
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
from
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by
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wind
turbine
Fix the agreement mistake
turbines
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 and
hydro power
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
may be more essential than using fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
subsequently
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
geothermal energy which helps to stand against fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 largely
as a result
, a decrease in
temperature
 will be seen
to conclude
,
temperature
rise
 may have
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on life but adopting the following safety
precaution
Fix the agreement mistake
precautions
show examples
 may help to reduce its upper Trend
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear, logical flow and structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and progress logically to the next. Ensure that you use topic sentences to begin each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence where appropriate. Use conjunctions and transition words effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you've attempted to cover the two questions (causes and solutions), the response could be more fully developed. Each main point needs to be elaborated with clear explanations and relevant examples. Additionally, be sure to address the questions directly and fully to achieve a higher task response score. Provide specific, detailed examples rather than general statements to enhance the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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