IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience.

#parents #children #toys #child
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that parents provide numerous
toys
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 so as to entertain them.
While
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks associated with playing with
toys
Use synonyms
, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage is the point that
children
Use synonyms
 become dependent on their
toys
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if parents decide to go on a holiday, persuading
kids
Use synonyms
 to bring only a few
toys
Use synonyms
 can be problematic because
kids
Use synonyms
 can be easily annoyed. Another perceived negative is that a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
 are a great source of distraction, which hinders
children
Use synonyms
 from eating sufficient food.
Children
Use synonyms
 tend to play rather than eat, leading to serious health problems
such
Linking Words
 as weakness of the immune system.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a primary benefit is the fact that spending time playing with several
toys
Use synonyms
 can effectively strengthen
kids
Use synonyms
' creativity and problem-solving abilities.
For example
Linking Words
, I can vividly remember how I was struggling to solve puzzles when I was six years old.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when I completed them, I always received compliments from my siblings, which brought a sense of satisfaction.
Besides
Linking Words
, a
further
Linking Words
 advantage is that most parents have a tight schedule and have to meet several deadlines, failing to dedicate a sizeable amount of time to playing with
children
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, entertaining
kids
Use synonyms
 with
such
Linking Words
 stuff can help family members carry out their responsibilities efficiently.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my view, it is true that having a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances. From my perspective, its positives in terms of developing skills and entertaining
children
Use synonyms
 override its negatives.
Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly linked throughout the essay. Transitional phrases can be used to help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally well-formed, but your conclusion could be strengthened by providing a clearer, more decisive statement of your overall viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific, detailed examples. General statements need to be underpinned by precise illustrations that reveal the depth of understanding.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task, ensuring that your response forms a complete answer to the question. You have sufficiently addressed the question, but developing each point further could enhance your score.
task achievement
Provide fully developed and comprehensive ideas, exploring each advantage and disadvantage in more depth. This will help fully satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Use examples that are directly relevant and fully developed to back up your arguments. The example provided is pertinent, but including more would give your arguments added weight.
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: