IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is said that the
crime
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 rate in several countries is increasing. I believe exploring the causes of
this
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 problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it. I believe a lack of public
awareness
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 could partly account for the growth of the
crime
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 rate. It is well-accepted that many people, especially youngsters, are oblivious to the consequences of committing a
crime
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.
For example
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, some teenagers are not aware that they can be sent to jail
as a result
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 of minor crimes, shoplifting
for instance
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. In
this
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 regard, a friend of mine was arrested
due to
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 the fact that he did not know that taking photos in museums is illegal. To remedy the situation, raising public
awareness
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 should be taken into consideration. As it says, knowledge is power.
Therefore
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, individuals who are aware of the risks associated with bad behaviour are more likely to think twice before participating in
such
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 activities. Ineffective regulations can
also
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 explain why criminal activities are reaching a worrying level. It can be seen that those who commit serious crimes are not punished severely, making it possible for them to repeat their offensive behaviour and pose a threat to our community. To address
this
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 issue, new strict rules should be enforced so as to impose severe punishments
such
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 as the death penalty on serious crimes,
for example
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, kidnapping and murder. These rules can act as deterrents that not only punish criminals but
also
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 increase standards of living.
To conclude
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, even though a lack of
awareness
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 in society and the absence of effective laws can contribute to an increase in the
crime
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 rate, the government can improve the situation. In my opinion, raising public
awareness
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 and enforcing effective regulations are steps in the right direction that should be taken into account.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that the points you make within each paragraph lead logically from one to the next and that there is a clear connection between your ideas throughout the essay. A coherent logic should be easily identifiable.
coherence cohesion
Begin your essay with a concise and clear introduction that clearly sets out the issues to be discussed and end it with a coherent conclusion that encapsulates and summarizes the main points of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support each of your main points with clear and detailed examples or reasons. The examples provided in the essay should be relevant and strengthen the argument. Aim for a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.
task achievement
It is crucial to fully address all parts of the task to achieve a higher score in task response. Ensure you answer each question directly and develop your ideas fully.
task achievement
Expand and explore your ideas comprehensively, avoiding any repetition or underdeveloped points. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be elaborated upon sufficiently.
task achievement
Use specific and detailed examples to support your argument. Each point you make should be substantiated with a relevant, concrete example that illustrates your idea effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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