IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#universities #numbers #students #subjects
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Whether universities should accept the same
number
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 of
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 in each course has become a hotly debated topic nowadays. From my point of view, higher education should be affordable and accessible for each sex,
however
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, controlling the
number
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 of students may cause more harm than benefit. In the past,
women
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 were forbidden to learn some subjects,
such
Linking Words
 as law or medicine, that were historically associated with
men
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 only. Today, there is no field, in which, with the appropriate level of knowledge, females cannot participate.
For instance
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, in law, despite the fact that there are still more
men
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 than
women
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, the
number
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 of the lasts is increasing rapidly.
This
Linking Words
 trend is a natural development caused by the private choice of individuals and there is no need
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
 university to step in and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
control the situation. I do agree that both males and females should be enrolled in universities.
In addition
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, I strongly support providing an equal opportunities approach, but priorities should be based on individual abilities and not on accomplishing a certain
number
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 of students
according to
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 their sex.
For example
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, there are more
men
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 who are interested in engineering than
women
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. Balancing between the two genders will lead to high competition among the
men
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 and low among the
women
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, and, eventually, will end up with a great disproportion in the level of knowledge.
To conclude
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, there is a natural correction of the
number
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 of
women
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 who decide to take part in higher education, so I do not agree that universities should manage the
number
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 of each gender in each course.
However
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, they do need to provide equal opportunity for everyone to learn, based on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ability and knowledge.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear stance on the given topic and adequately supports your viewpoint with relevant examples. However, the overall argument could benefit from more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to reach a higher band score.
task response
Try to further elaborate on the examples provided to make your arguments stronger and more convincing. Adding a few more specific examples will help solidify your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good; however, some transitions between ideas can be smoother. Work on using transition phrases to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases scattered throughout the essay. Reviewing and correcting these will enhance the overall flow and quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant details. This will help in making your arguments more coherent and focused.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is effective and clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your points and restates your opinion, providing a strong end to the essay.
supported main points
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, which is essential for a high task response score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your stance is clear throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your reasoning.
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