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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that the fittest and strongest individuals and teams always succeed in sports. Others think that success in sports depends on mental attitudes. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #individuals #teams #sports #success #attitudes
with the rapid development of society, the number of private cars has been growing dramatically in recent years, and the cost of the road transportation system is quickly growing steadily. It has become a noticeable debate on whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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automobile drivers should pay for fees or the
government
 should pay. In my opinion of view, the
Government
 should take more responsibility. Undoubtedly, It is the authority who makes the budget and builds the transportation facilities, so they should renew, maintain the current roadway systems to make them work properly and ensure the automobile drivers and drive smoothly and well instructed,
for example
, the
government
 should monitor the car flow and find the bottlenecks and the take prompt measures to improve it or broaden the width of the road and increase the driving channels.
besides
, the authority should
also
 invest more money in other transportation facilities like
subway
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the subway
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 and public bus system, if it is well constructed based on the real situation, it could help a lot to relieve cars amount on the street.
On the other hand
, the
government
 should make a more predictive plan for
city's
Correct article usage
the city's
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overall
 layout, try to build a big shopping centre and commercial centre outside of downtown, it will surely be beneficial to reduce traffic jams. In summary,
the
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cars are more and more on the street
and
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and
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
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 on the road system are dramatically rising at the same time,
the
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apply
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users may take some measures to reduce car
using
Replace the word
use
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 and take a public bus, but
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 is the main entity to make the budget and take measures to improve
this
 situation.
Submitted by bryce.liuwc on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task clearly. Although you have touched on the given topic, your essay does not fully engage with the arguments about why either the fittest and strongest individuals or mental attitudes might lead to success in sports. The discussion provided is off-topic and centers around transportation and car usage, which may lead to a misunderstanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay does not seem to adhere to the topic at hand which is on sports, not transportation. This results in a lack of clear focus on the prompt's subject.
coherence cohesion
A coherent essay is one where ideas are organized logically and flow smoothly throughout the text. Try to improve the logical progression of your arguments. To enhance coherence, each paragraph should focus on one main idea, and this idea should be clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you provide a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. The introduction should set out the topic and your approach to addressing the question. The conclusion should summarize your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main ideas with relevant details and examples. These elements are crucial to illustrate your points and make your argument more convincing. In your essay, the examples provided do not relate to the original prompt and do not support your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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