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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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People
 have different views about how well older
people
 educate
children
 to become valuable citizens.
While
 some argue that
children
 should be disciplined by their
parents
,
children
 should be educated on how to become respectable citizens at
school
. There are various reasons why
people
 believe that
parents
 should teach their
children
 to develop good manners.
Firstly
,
children
 are prone to listen to their
parents
, who are influential in families.
For example
,
children
 might worry about wrong actions, leading to their deciding whether they should commit
such
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 patterns if they have been punished by their
parents
 before.
Secondly
,
children
 have a close relationship with their
parents
, whom they always count on whenever they meet tough times.
Children
,
therefore
, may pour their concerns quickly into their
parents
' hearts.
Hence
,
parents
 can give timely advice, one of the most critical factors in deterring
children
 from becoming perverse.
Finally
, not only do
parents
 verbally bring their
children
's rights, but their life
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 can profoundly influence their
children
 because
children
 tend to imitate the actions of older
people
. Despite these arguments, I am inclined to argue that schooling would play an essential role in forming
children
's characters.
Children
 spend the most significant amount of time at
school
 except at home.
Thus
, teachers are likely to be second
parents
 to teach
children
 about the rights and wrongs in every walk of life. Admittedly, teachers can be stricter with
children
 than
parents
 because
parents
 usually spoil their
children
 excessively. Under
this
 circumstance, education in
school
 is the best solution to building a good personality for
children
.
Moreover
, the
school
 environment will enable
children
 to find out their abilities or desires by attending some recreational physical activities or studying specific subjects;
this
 is beneficial to
children
 in becoming well-rounded individuals in the future. In conclusion,
besides
 being primarily responsible for educating
children
's
parents
, schools
also
 prevent
children
 from the misguided frame of mind to be productive
people
 in society.
Submitted by aamenis on

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. This will set the tone for your essay and make your stance clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments more convincing and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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