IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, children today have more freedom than they used to. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #children #freedom #development
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The proportion of
freedom
 provided among
children
 has increased compared to the past in many countries and it has both advantages and disadvantages for
children
. I personally believe that giving
freedom
 to
children
 has a profound impact on the physical, and cognitive
development
 of
children
.
To begin
 with, giving
children
freedom
 has numerous advantages which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 related to their personal growth and
development
 . If they are given much
freedom
 they can grow their own decision-making capabilities and apply them in their each sector of lives.
For example
, through their
freedom
 of decision-making capabilities, they would decide which course they would choose in their school or which sports they would participate
.
Change preposition
in.
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Therefore
,
freedom
 would prepare them for their future challenges and their professional life as well.
However
, giving much
freedom
 sometimes is not beneficial for
children
 because of immaturity and tenderness of their age.
For instance
, at a young age,
children
 cannot decide what is wrong and what is right.
Hence
, if they are given much
freedom
 they easily become misguided and make wrong decisions.
Furthermore
, having much
freedom
 can harm their academic career because they might use their valuable time for unnecessary entertainment.
Therefore
,
although
freedom
 is important for the growth of
children
, excessive
freedom
 is sometimes harmful.
To conclude
,
freedom
 is important for
children
 and it brings positivity and
development
 in
children
's lives.
However
, the proportion of
freedom
 should be appropriate
according to
 their age and
development
. Parents should be aware of how much independence a child is provided and how he is utilizing it.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance on it, followed by a logical sequence of paragraphs, each presenting a central idea. Use cohesive devices to link ideas.
task achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt adequately but could improve by providing more specific examples to support your points. Each idea should be explained and exemplified to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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