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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, children today have more freedom than they used to. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
The proportion of
freedom
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 provided among
children
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 has increased compared to the past in many countries and it has both advantages and disadvantages for
children
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. I personally believe that giving
freedom
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 to
children
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 has a profound impact on the physical, and cognitive
development
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 of
children
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, giving
children
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freedom
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 has numerous advantages which
is
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are
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 related to their personal growth and
development
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 . If they are given much
freedom
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 they can grow their own decision-making capabilities and apply them in their each sector of lives.
For example
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, through their
freedom
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 of decision-making capabilities, they would decide which course they would choose in their school or which sports they would participate
.
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in.
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Therefore
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,
freedom
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 would prepare them for their future challenges and their professional life as well.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, giving much
freedom
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 sometimes is not beneficial for
children
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 because of immaturity and tenderness of their age.
For instance
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, at a young age,
children
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 cannot decide what is wrong and what is right.
Hence
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, if they are given much
freedom
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 they easily become misguided and make wrong decisions.
Furthermore
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, having much
freedom
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 can harm their academic career because they might use their valuable time for unnecessary entertainment.
Therefore
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,
although
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freedom
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 is important for the growth of
children
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, excessive
freedom
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 is sometimes harmful.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
freedom
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 is important for
children
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 and it brings positivity and
development
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 in
children
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's lives.
However
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, the proportion of
freedom
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 should be appropriate
according to
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 their age and
development
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. Parents should be aware of how much independence a child is provided and how he is utilizing it.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance on it, followed by a logical sequence of paragraphs, each presenting a central idea. Use cohesive devices to link ideas.
task achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt adequately but could improve by providing more specific examples to support your points. Each idea should be explained and exemplified to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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