In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates prblems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outwegh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, people have longer lifetimes rather than past in numerous countries. A group of individuals present the view that the ageing
population
makes
Verb problem
creates
show examples
problems for governments,
whereas
others believe it is beneficial for society to have more old people.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are some positives associated with having an old
population
, I think the main negatives are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential advantage of the old
population
for governments could be not to have concerns about job occupations as a huge amount of the nation’s people have already retired.
On the other hand
, a primary drawback is that governments are responsible for paying retirement salaries to the elderly which is under an increasing trend and that means the authorities probably must raise the amount of tax or insurance that the youth and employed ones have to pay. A
further
disadvantage is that the elderly are more likely to face health issues and because of their huge
population
, there will be a lack of sufficient medical facilities like hospitals and demands for medications will soar sharply.
This
means more expenditure for the government.
Moreover
, because of the
population
of the youth, the lack of a workforce is more likely in
such
countries. On balance, it is true that to have an old
population
would seem advantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its negative effects in terms of the compulsion to collect much more taxes, shortage in medicines and healthcare facilities
as well as
insufficiency of workforce override the minor advantage.
Submitted by samira.nezhadamin on

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Vocabulary
Consider varying your vocabulary a bit more to avoid repetitions and to enrich your essay. For instance, instead of using 'old population' repetitively, you could use terms like 'elderly demographic', 'senior citizens', 'aging society', etc.
Examples
While your essay is well-structured and your ideas are clearly expressed, ensure to occasionally include direct examples from real life to bolster your arguments. This could take the form of referring to specific countries, studies, or stats that back up your points.
Structure
Do not hesitate to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction as well as the conclusion to strengthen the overall coherence of your essay. This helps in making your stance clear from the beginning.
Organization
You have demonstrated a strong command of essay structure, clearly presenting your arguments in a logical and organized manner.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the argument presented throughout the essay.
Balance
You have nicely balanced the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, providing a comprehensive view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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