IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices

#people #choices
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It is argued by many that the today's world has provided us with a wide range of options
,
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apply
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 so that it is hard to make a decision. Meanwhile, I am inclined to agree
will
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with
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this
Linking Words
 notion that the modern world alternation has put us through
this
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 situation Recent technological developments
as well as
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 modernisation have altered
individual's
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individual
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 habits, significantly, in terms of making
decision
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decisions
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.
For instance
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, in the past, people used to shop from local markets,
with
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which
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having
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had
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 a limited range of options. In simpler terms, when a person intended to buy a specific product,
such
Linking Words
 as a shampoo, he / she would choose a product randomly regardless of the brand.
However
Linking Words
, it is worth considering that
this
Linking Words
 traditional marketing system
had
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has
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 put
costumers
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customers
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under
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in
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 demanding situations as well. Long ago, people used to have
troubles
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trouble
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with
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apply
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finding some specific types of vital medications which had become scarce
in
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over
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 a period of time.
Nevertheless
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, technological developments have been offering both providers and
costumers
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customers
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 convenience.
In other words
Linking Words
, producers have gained the opportunity to sell their products through online platforms,
such
Linking Words
 as websites or Instagram, which
has
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have
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 been recently featured with a shopping option.
Although
Linking Words
 shoppers have the opportunity to seek the reviews and the ratings made by the previous users, they may become indecisive
which
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about which
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 product to choose, as they find themselves caught in a puzzling situation.
Therefore
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, these
mixed up
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mixed-up
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 shoppers might become frustrated and
consequently
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 give up on Shopping! In conclusion, since online shops have provided
as
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us
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 with a wide variety of options, I strongly agree with the notion that
the
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apply
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today's world has brought us many difficulties in terms of making decisions.
Submitted by parvizrashidi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, including distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Clearly present your thesis statement in the introduction and reiterate your position in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with supporting details and examples to make them more convincing and relevant. Avoid making general statements without specific evidence.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by covering all aspects of the question and providing a clear response to the statement given.
task achievement
Express ideas in a clear and comprehensive manner, ensuring they are well thought out and articulated clearly throughout your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to support your opinions and arguments, making sure they directly relate to the topic at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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