Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world, others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both this views and give your own opinion

There are two different points of view about scientific achievements.
First
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The first
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group emphasizes the free publication of information for everyone.
On the other hand
,
second
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the second
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group thinks that we don’t have to make some critical data available. The former sight follows an open-source policy which is closer to my perspective and the latter one has a more cautious policy. The first crowd thinks that we can
also
share everything with others, which is the definition of open-source policy and they believe that we can have a more scientific global society. With
this
action, we can positively affect others’ quality of life
as well as
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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be influenced by them.
For instance
, whenever you share COVID-19's vaccine formulation, you save
humans
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human
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lives and
in contrast
, the survivors
also
transfer artificial intelligence (AI) knowledge to control population density to prevent
covid's
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COVID's
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spread. The latter sight is based on a cautious view. Apart from the positive effects of publishing scientific data, humans have
also
had bitter experiences in the past. One of the most significant experiences was the invention of AI, which can be seen as the government's misuse of its potential in anti-humanitarian applications. Many countries,
instead
of using it to promote
human’s
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human
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welfare, used it to threaten each other. Some countries have increased their cyber-attacks when they have gotten
this
technology.
Moreover
, they have been using intelligent economic models to increase their political influence, which is very unfortunate. As I see, science itself has no damage to humanity but advantages, so, the issue is the way of usage. You can use the misuse of AI technology in cyber-attacks or
in appropriate
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inappropriate
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medical applications. With
this
reasoning, we come to the conclusion that the problem is human.
Therefore
, it is important to focus on human ethics
instead
of publishing restrictions. It is the United
Nations
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Nations'
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duty to implement plans in
this
regard to make the situation of information dissemination less risky.
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coherence cohesion
The essay overall demonstrates a basic logical structure; however, it lacks a strong clear progression of ideas throughout. Consider using clearer and more explicit topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph and connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, more varied and complex cohesive devices could enhance the connectivity between ideas.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but the development of your ideas is somewhat limited. You should express and elaborate on your ideas more thoroughly. Include a more developed introduction and conclusion to encapsulate your discussion more effectively. Ensure your opinion is clearly stated and consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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