IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution to these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In the contemporary era, the climate has been issued by technical gadgets. It is believed by a few individuals to resolve the problem without
technology
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.
However
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, other is reckoned by a large group of
people
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 to get solution through
technology
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. Climate change
are
Change the verb form
is
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 affected by high-tech devices.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both perspectives in the following paragraphs.
technology
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 machines are influencing our lives and penetrating into daily work.
Although
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, the weather condition is worsened by advanced
technology
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 the greenhouse gases are increased. The carbon emissions are often generated from motor vehicles and industrial factories.
Therefore
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, the
environment
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 is polluted by toxic gases in the air.
Furthermore
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, Deforestation has rapidly increased
due to
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 the big setups of companies in the countryside. So that the atmosphere is being polluted by them. To illustrate, the atmosphere's air quality index is crossed by smog conditions
due to
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 hazardous gases from factories. The infection of the eyes, throat and lungs is being enlarged by the polluted
environment
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. The technocrats are copping
this
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 situation to solve with different measures but unfortunately, they do not have enough resources to solve
this
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 problem.
On the other hand
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, in the modern world, everybody has their own device because it is a part of their lives. They consider that environmental issues can be solved with technological development. Modern
technology
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 can enable us to use natural resources and convert them into energy
such
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 as solar panels, wind and water turbines, which reflects a highly positive impact of
technology
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 on the
environment
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. The motor cars can shift from electronic cars,
although
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 it is expensive but in the future, they will increase.
In addition
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, the LED lights can reduce the cause of the
environment
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. LED lighting
technology
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 is already replacing traditional bulbs in many homes and public spaces. It consumes low energy levels.
Consequently
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, technological progress can
also
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 help to reduce the effects of climate problems. In a nutshell, a few
people
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 do not like to use electronic machines so they feel it affects the weather.
While
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 others opine the technical equipment can solve the problems of the
environment
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. I disagree with
this
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 statement for multiple reasons the human life span is decreasing because of pollution and
people
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 are feeling sick. Other humans are more rely on
technology
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 which
also
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 causes health problems. It is better to solve
this
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 issue
people
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 should work out daily without scientific tools.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs. The essay lacks clarity due to improper transition phrases and unclear progression of thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion must clearly address the task. Your introduction needs to more clearly paraphrase the prompt and your conclusion should summarize your discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific details and examples. Vague statements and generalized ideas weaken the argument. Include clear, relevant examples to support each view and improve the overall argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task sufficiently. While you have included both views, neither is explored in depth. Ensure each view is discussed fully and give equal attention to providing evidence and reasoning for each.
task achievement
Present ideas coherently and develop them fully. Several ideas are introduced but not explored in detail, and some points are not directly relevant to the prompt. Expand on your ideas to more comprehensively cover the topic.
task achievement
Include specific examples that are fully developed and directly related to the topic. The essay contains few examples and those included are not sufficiently elaborated upon to demonstrate their relevance to the task at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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