After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#school #university #people #job #career #love #salary

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In the contemporary era of globalization, labour market standards have witnessed a huge transformation. A wide range of young individuals opt for a job that they adore, rather than a career that gives a better wage. I wholeheartedly agree with

this

Linking Words

argument.

To begin

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with, an array of individuals are resorting to

work

Use synonyms

at jobs that they admire. They believe that they will be motivated. Their innovation during the

work

Use synonyms

will be high and they will put all their efforts into it.

According to

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a study conducted by Manchester University, a successful workplace is a place where employees

love

Use synonyms

their

work

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, they will build a good bond with their workmates.

This

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will be reflected in the productivity and will increase the profit.

However

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, some

people

Use synonyms

are working in jobs they

love

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nevertheless

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, they earn a low salary.

This

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made them struggle during life because of the burdens and the commitments of our lives.

For instance

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, a lot of dentists are graduated in Egypt. They

love

Use synonyms

their field,

nonetheless

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, the earnings are too low, and

as a consequence

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, a lot of them shifted their career. Despite understanding

this

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point of view, I cannot agree with it. In order to increase productivity

people

Use synonyms

should

work

Use synonyms

at places they

love

Use synonyms

. They will evolve for it to increase the avenue. In conclusion, from what has been discussed above,

people

Use synonyms

should find what suits them. The government should play a vital role in

this

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issue. It should foster

people

Use synonyms

with more incentives.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Tue Oct 08 2024

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Language Use

Try to consistently use formal vocabulary and avoid informal terms or contractions.

Development

Although your argument was generally clear, it could be beneficial to further elaborate on certain points for a more comprehensive discussion.

Structure

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting a strong argument for choosing a job one loves.

Coherence

There is a logical flow in your essay, with clearly connected points.

Task Achievement

The essay uses a relevant example from Egypt to support the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

248 words

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After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

At present the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer with relevant example.

A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose?

These days, food days, food travels long distances before reaching consumers, and it is therefore believed that consuming locally grown food would bring about a number of economic and environmental benefits. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages?