IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Earlier technology developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some assert that preceding technological advancements yielded more substantial benefits and transformations in the lives of common people
in contrast
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 to contemporary innovations. I completely disagree with the notion
as
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that
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 recent breakthroughs possess an equivalent, if not superior, potential to reconfigure lives and societies, challenging the notion of diminishing impact.
Firstly
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, the proliferation of the internet and mobile devices has nurtured a level of interconnectedness that was previously unimaginable.
This
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 digital realm has revolutionized knowledge sharing, transcending geographical constraints and empowering individuals with unprecedented access to education, news, and resources. E-learning platforms and open-access digital libraries,
for instance
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, offer universal skill acquisition and knowledge expansion, fundamentally reshaping learning and information sharing.
Additionally
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, blockchain’s decentralized digital ledger guarantees transparency and security in sectors like finance and supply chains, potentially reshaping industries that highlight contemporary technological influence.
Furthermore
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, medical advances in fields
such
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 as genomics, telemedicine, and personalized treatments have extended life expectancy and enhanced the management of diseases. The development of wearable
health
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 monitoring devices enables individuals to proactively track their
health
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, leading to early detection and prevention of
health
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 issues.
For example
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, fitness trackers provide continuous
health
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 monitoring through heart rate and sleep tracking, allowing users to identify anomalies promptly, take preventive actions, and avert potential
health
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 issues.
Moreover
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, the infusion of automation and smart technologies within households has heightened energy efficiency, convenience, and security, yielding tangible advantages for individuals’ daily existence. In conclusion, I firmly concur that contemporary advancements, including interconnectivity, information dissemination, medical innovations, and smart technologies outshine earlier technological progress, underscoring the dynamic impact of present-day progress.

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coherence cohesion
Develop a more structured approach to your main points. Each should neatly progress to the next, with clear, cohesive links between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion encapsulate your argument effectively, informing the reader of your stance and summarizing the key points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
To bolster main points, include more detailed examples and evidence, using data or case studies if possible to substantiate claims.
task achievement
Make sure your response addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Remain vigilant to cover all aspects while maintaining a focused and precise argument.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas, giving a fuller picture of your argument. Avoid excessive generality in favor of concrete details and clear, comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to enrich your essay. These help illustrate points more vividly and reinforce your argument.
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