IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums,zoos and concerts and sometimes even to other countries.What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?

Nowadays, secondary schools often organize several excursions to visit museums, zoos and historical sites.
Such
Linking Words
 trips frequently bring a variety of benefits to students.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 a few downsides to these visits. Speaking of disadvantages, journeys are conducted with a certain charge, and parents of
children
Use synonyms
 have to pay for it.
Although
Linking Words
 the price of these tours normally is not too expensive, not every family can afford it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are some
children
Use synonyms
 who will be not able to attend the travels with their friends, and
this
Linking Words
 could cause several negatives
such
Linking Words
 as those kids feeling complex, or limited communication...
In addition
Linking Words
, these trips usually need a lot of time for preparation, and
thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 takes time away from real learning if the
children
Use synonyms
 must visit many places. Regarding the positive aspects, there are many advantages that the
children
Use synonyms
 acquire after the excursions. The main benefit is the amount of knowledge that the
children
Use synonyms
 gain.
For example
Linking Words
, when they visit the museum relating to arts, they can enjoy a lot of beautiful and famous paintings and information about authors as well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the kids go to a zoo that enables them to see a range of animals in person, they can find out details through daily activities of those species like habit or behaviour.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 will not feel bored with these real lessons, which in turn are not only more effective than learning in school but
also
Linking Words
 can make fun, memorable time over the period for all pupils. In conclusion, as we have seen, the upsides outweigh the downsides of these excursions. The
children
Use synonyms
 learn more information in reality,
as well as
Linking Words
 experience memorable trips.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, secondary schools should consider noticeably decreasing the price of
such
Linking Words
 visits or even organising them for free so all the students are able to access lots of useful information and have unforgettable experiences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed throughout. Avoid any ambiguity in your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Provide a logical sequence of ideas with clear paragraphing and use appropriate linking words to help the reader follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should include supporting details or examples. Aim to provide specific examples that substantiate your points more convincingly.
task achievement
For a higher score, address all parts of the task more evenly. Ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are fully explored with a balanced discussion and conclusion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to convey depth and provide a meaningful analysis of the topic. Avoid superficial statements that don't offer any genuine insight.
task achievement
To better meet the task requirements, include a range of relevant and specific examples that clearly demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Your opinion

Donโ€™t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Donโ€™t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ ยป- a book that's free for ๐Ÿš€ Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: