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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people consider sports to be their career in the society. For others, it is mostly a workout to stay fit.​ Discuss both views and give your own opinion.​

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Introduction
In every century, masculinity, and physical strength have been the peak male ideal reflection. People idolize
athletes
Use synonyms
 more than actors and celebrities. Personally, I believe that
athletes
Use synonyms
 have to be paid to embrace wellness and fitness.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, every child likes an athlete who is famous for football or basketball.
Hence
Linking Words
, it leads the teenager to be more physically active. Many parents, especially nowadays, are worried about the amount of time that their children spend outdoors.
For example
Linking Words
, children are less likely to play outdoor games compared to we used to. Even considering the side that a sport has to be a hobby to relieve stress and
athletes
Use synonyms
 are the only people who can influence others, it has to be promoted.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the countries like ours, developing, most of the sports teams can't afford expensive players and they don't pay as much as other rich countries do. Because of
this
Linking Words
, the common perspective is sport is not work to do, it is just free time activity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people, who were born early 80s or late 70s, think that a sport is just an activity that only the rich can afford, and if you are an average salary man, just work until you die.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, a fit body and physical health have always been a concern of humans.
That is
Linking Words
 why, sports and their games are inseparable parts of our lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
athletes
Use synonyms
 are even guiding youngsters to a better adult lifestyle.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I conclude they have to be paid to practice any sportsmanship.

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task achievement
Your response addresses both perspectives on sports as a career and as fitness. Ensure that each view is equally elaborated to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by using varied sentence structures and precise vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow of the essay by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents a personal stance right away.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes effectively with a restatement of your viewpoint, stressing the importance of sports in society.
supported main points
You've included consistent examples that support your arguments about the societal impact and perception of sports.
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