Today,some people do not know their neighbours in large cities.What problems does this cause?What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities

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In the present day,most individuals are becoming less socially

communicate

Replace the word

communicative

show examples

with their

neighbours

Use synonyms

,especially in metropolises.

This

Linking Words

essay attempts to identify the

problems

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and provides

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

for these

problems

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

,the

problems

Use synonyms

that

caused

Add a missing verb

are caused

show examples

by being unknown and strange to their

neighbours

Use synonyms

can be mentioned as a formation of the lonely or other feelings which like

this

Linking Words

and

also

Linking Words

lack of help or support when they

need

Correct pronoun usage

need it

show examples

.For the former,in

the

Correct your spelling

this

show examples

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

people

Use synonyms

do not communicate with others who live near

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them for a long time.It can lead to negative impacts on their mental health.

For example

Linking Words

,it is proven that

people

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who have fewer

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

with their

neighbours

Use synonyms

are more likely to have a depressive disorder.

Furthermore

Linking Words

,another problem is that

people

Use synonyms

can not get any help or support when they are in emergency situations.Residents can face

Change preposition

apply

show examples

some difficulties which are only solved by

support

Add an article

the support

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neighbours

Use synonyms

.Unless there are any close relationships with the adjacent,those household

problems

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can deteriorate.

Besides

Linking Words

that,there is a main solution to

this

Linking Words

problem.

This

Linking Words

solution which should be taken is to celebrate many

kind

Change to a plural noun

kinds

show examples

of ceremonies together.By doing

this

Linking Words

,everyone can have

opportunity

Correct article usage

the opportunity

show examples

to talk and know each other.It can foster

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a sense of community and

also

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

contributes to

the relationships formation

Change to a genitive case

the formation of the relationship

the formation of the relationships

show examples

. In conclusion,despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

some

problems

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

negatively

Change the word

negative

show examples

emotional formation,organizing a celebration together can diminish

this

Linking Words

phenomenon.By celebrating many parties and holidays,

people

Use synonyms

who live in urban areas can avoid

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

not knowing and understanding each other.

Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on Mon Nov 20 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a coherent logical structure, as there is no clear transition from one paragraph to another. To improve, aim to use cohesive devices and clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

coherence cohesion

While you have included an introduction and conclusion, they could be strengthened. Ensure that the introduction clearly states the problems and solutions you will discuss, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

To better support your main points, provide more specific examples and develop your ideas further. This will lend more credibility to your arguments and help you achieve a more comprehensive response.

task achievement

While you have provided a response to the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of completing the task. Ensure that you fully address both questions: the problems caused by not knowing neighbours and the possible solutions, with equal development.

task achievement

Strive to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Introduce each problem and solution with a clear statement and follow up with detailed explanation and examples. Make sure that each paragraph explores a single idea thoroughly before moving on to the next.

task achievement

You could provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will not only support your claims but also show the examiner that you have a deeper understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

238 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Community spirit
Isolation
Surveillance
Safety and security
Vulnerability
Support networks
Local gatherings
Foster
Social media platforms
Neighbourhood watch
Emergency situations
Natural disasters
Shared resources
Crime rates

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Today,some people do not know their neighbours in large cities.What problems does this cause?What can be done about this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as 'role models' and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is that a positive or negative development?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries fast food restaurants and supermarket gives money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

It is important for people to take a risk both in their professional lives and in their personal lives. Do the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?