Today,some people do not know their neighbours in large cities.What problems does this cause?What can be done about this?
In the present day,most individuals are becoming less socially
communicate
with their Replace the word
communicative
neighbours
,especially in metropolises.This
essay attempts to identify the problems
and provides solution
for these Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
problems
.
Firstly
,the problems
that caused
by being unknown and strange to their Add a missing verb
are caused
neighbours
can be mentioned as a formation of the lonely or other feelings which like this
and also
lack of help or support when they need
.For the former,in Correct pronoun usage
need it
the
Correct your spelling
this
case
Add a comma
case,
people
do not communicate with others who live near to
them for a long time.It can lead to negative impacts on their mental health.Change preposition
apply
For example
,it is proven that people
who have fewer relationship
with their Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
neighbours
are more likely to have a depressive disorder.Furthermore
,another problem is that people
can not get any help or support when they are in emergency situations.Residents can face to
some difficulties which are only solved by Change preposition
apply
support
of Add an article
the support
neighbours
.Unless there are any close relationships with the adjacent,those household problems
can deteriorate.
Besides
that,there is a main solution to this
problem.This
solution which should be taken is to celebrate many kind
of ceremonies together.By doing Change to a plural noun
kinds
this
,everyone can have opportunity
to talk and know each other.It can foster Correct article usage
the opportunity
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
with
a sense of community and Change preposition
apply
also
,it
contributes to Correct pronoun usage
apply
the relationships formation
.
In conclusion,despite Change to a genitive case
the formation of the relationship
the formation of the relationships
to
Change preposition
apply
the
some Remove the article
apply
problems
,such
as negatively
emotional formation,organizing a celebration together can diminish Change the word
negative
this
phenomenon.By celebrating many parties and holidays,people
who live in urban areas can avoid from
not knowing and understanding each other.Change preposition
apply
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a coherent logical structure, as there is no clear transition from one paragraph to another. To improve, aim to use cohesive devices and clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and conclusion, they could be strengthened. Ensure that the introduction clearly states the problems and solutions you will discuss, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
To better support your main points, provide more specific examples and develop your ideas further. This will lend more credibility to your arguments and help you achieve a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
While you have provided a response to the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of completing the task. Ensure that you fully address both questions: the problems caused by not knowing neighbours and the possible solutions, with equal development.
task achievement
Strive to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Introduce each problem and solution with a clear statement and follow up with detailed explanation and examples. Make sure that each paragraph explores a single idea thoroughly before moving on to the next.
task achievement
You could provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will not only support your claims but also show the examiner that you have a deeper understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
