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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many parts of the world kills and boys are educated together in co-educational or mixed schools think that girls and boys benefit from being educated separately in single sex schools towards extend to you agree with this view?

#parts #world #boys #schools #girls #benefit #sex
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In many countries all around the world,
both
Use synonyms
 girls and boys are educated in mixed
schools
Use synonyms
 together.
However
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 some
people
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 suppose that separate education is followed by loads of benefits, I think the drawbacks are more than advantages
due to
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 many reasons which I will mention. First and foremost,
both
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 genders have equal rights in modern society and because of that they should be educated in equal circumstances
also
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 they have the right
of rewarding
Change preposition
to reward
show examples
 the same types of equipment.
For instance
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, when a scientific seminar is held
people
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 can participate in that apart from their sex or
both
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 males and females can use an equipped laboratory in school and show their intellectual experiments.
On the other hand
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 , students who study in separate
schools
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 may miss many educational chances and it has many damaging consequences and costs for
both
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 Society and governments.
Furthermore
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, in co-educational
schools
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,
people
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 can learn social skills which are important for their private and professional future. Boys and girls will be familiarized with their opposite gender and it will prevent many problematic issues ,
for example
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 , a young girl who used to study in one-gender school for whole her life in university will be an embarrassed person and
due to
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 that she will have many difficulties in communicating in compare with a girl who educated in mixed
schools
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. In conclusion, one-gender educational system not only deprives
people
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 of equal opportunities but
also
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causes social problems so governments should provide a system to make chances for men and women to find and show their talent in a justice condition and
consequently
Linking Words
 use their tolerance to improve their society.
Submitted by zahrahosseini1992 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Then, consistently develop this viewpoint with arguments and examples throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your main paragraphs by clearly introducing the point, explaining it, and then providing an example or further elaboration. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Task Achievement
While your conclusion summarizes the main ideas, aim for it to also reflect on the implications or broader significance of your arguments, providing a satisfying closure to your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. These could be real-world cases, studies, or personal experiences that directly relate to the points you're making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve sentence structures and punctuation to aid in clarity and flow. For example, avoid run-on sentences or excessively long paragraphs. Break complex ideas into more manageable parts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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