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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It has been a widely-discussed topic for a long time how parents foster their
children
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. Nowadays, there is a debate on whether
children
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 are allowed to make
mistakes
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. On the one hand, some people believe that it’s
children
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’s freedom to make
mistakes
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. Advocates of
this
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 opinion may consider that
children
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 can gain their
creativity
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 from making
mistakes
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, which benefits
children
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 in their lifetime.
For example
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, when I was in childhood, I once broke the vase carelessly at home. Rather than shout at me, my
mom
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 comforted me and ensured that I was not hurt by the sharp debris of the vase. After that, I came up with the idea that I could put the debris into a transparent glass box to make a new artwork. Surprisingly, the new decoration made of debris looked nice. My
mom
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 felt proud of my
creativity
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 and I had a sense of achievement. I knew I had made a mistake but I found my talent in
creativity
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 because of the broken vase. If I had been scolded for my mistake, I would not make
such
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 a creative box.
On the other hand
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, other people,
however
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, assert that adults should prohibit
children
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 from making
mistakes
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, which helps
children
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 develop good
behavioral
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behavioural
show examples
 habits. Childhood is a vulnerability window when
children
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 are easily affected by others and develop inappropriate
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
For example
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, I failed my math exam in primary school and I was afraid of telling
this
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 bad news to my
mom
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. To avoid being criticized, I revised the mark on my score report paper. After some days, my
mom
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 found my fault and criticized me seriously. My
mom
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 told me that telling a lie is a much bigger mistake than just failing an exam. If I cheated to hide my failure in exams when I was young, I would tell a lie at work in the future. From
then
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 on, I learned to be an honest person no matter what I did. In conclusion, allowing
children
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 to make
mistakes
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 could help
children
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 improve their
creativity
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 but may induce some inappropriate
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 in
children
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. In my perspective, we adults should respect
children
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’s right to make
mistakes
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, giving
children
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 sufficient freedom to grow up.
Besides
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, educating
children
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 in an appropriate way is necessary when they make some
mistakes
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 related to principles.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the structure of your essay follows a clear and logical progression, with each paragraph flowing smoothly to the next. While the sequencing was mostly logical, some transitions could be improved to better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay included an introduction and a conclusion, which provided clarity to the reader. Maintain an effective approach by clearly restating the position in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the main points of the argument were supported, strive to develop each point further with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by fully discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear and well-supported opinion. The response could be more complete by deepening the analysis of each viewpoint.
task achievement
Your ideas were clear and you demonstrated comprehension of the topic. Enhance this by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are explored to the same extent to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Utilize more varied and directly relevant examples to support your argument. The examples provided did not fully illustrate the implications of each viewpoint, which is necessary for a higher score.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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