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Writing Samples
Band 6

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film start or sport personality - brings problem as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#celebrity #film #sport #personality #reason
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Being famous has various positive aspects
as well as
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 negative ones. The question wether being a celebrity is desirable or not is a tricky one. At
first,
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one's could think that since
fame
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 can get you anything, everyone should aspire to become well-known. But it is not that easy since
fame
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 can
also
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 be dangerous for one's physical or mental health.
Celebrities
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 seem to have it all: money, beauty and friends. Influencers are an example of
such
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 lifestyle; they are famous
people
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 whose job is to show their beautiful
life
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 and
people
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 find it entertaining. They are often friends with other
celebrities
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 and surrounded by interesting
people
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. With
such
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 status comes a
life
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 of luxury and comfort, where everyday seems like a holiday or a party.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 lifestyle can be quite alienating. Oftentimes, influencers speak about how, after some years of
fame
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, they completely lose their sense of reality and feel lost and without a purpose in
life
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. Huge
celebrities
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,
for instance
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 Amy Winehouse, seemed to have it all: the
fame
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, the money and the talent. Still,
this
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 could not be of any help for her inner mental struggles.
Moreover
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, costantly being under the public eye can be dangerous.
Celebrities
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 are often stalked by fans or paparazzi and cannot have much privacy. The struggles that ordinary
people
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 face behind closed door are for everyone to see in case of public figures.
This
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 can be unberable for some that are not cut for
this
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life
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 and can lead to tragic events, including drug abuse or self-harm. In conclusion, being famous is great until it is not anymore. Celebrity creates a dream
life
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 with money and any type of desirable luxury but all of
this
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 comes with a cost. Always being under the public eye is not for everyone, since some
people
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 value their privacy more than everything. Famous
people
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 struggle too but they do it in front of the world to see.
This
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 is why
fame
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 can be a positive thing but only for those who can deal with its negative aspects.
Submitted by rizzi.flavia99 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt evenly, providing a balanced discussion and a definitive standpoint. Your essay should include a clear thesis that articulates your position succinctly. Moreover, expand on your examples to substantiate your arguments effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices but avoid overusing them. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, which needs to be developed fully with supporting details and examples.
Language Resource
Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance language sophistication and variation. Keep your tone formal and avoid contractions in an academic writing task.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Frequent errors can detract from the clarity of your writing and impede the reader's understanding of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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