IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that educational success depends almost entirely on the attitude of the student. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is believed that the only aspect of learning something is how a student perceives his studies. I totally disagree with the following statement.
In addition
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 to the attitude of the learner toward the subject, there are other factors
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 natural talent and a student's
teacher
Use synonyms
 which can influence people's academic success. There are a lot of people, who perform better at education than others. These are individuals, who have a talent. Even if they don't like the sphere, which they deal very well with, the natural talent will never disappear.
For example
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, a math
teacher
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 at my school doesn't like mathematics at all: he was forced to study it by his mom. When he was young, he wanted to learn
Turkish
Change the article
the Turkish
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 language.
However
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, his parents were against it. Despite
this
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 trouble, he studied math and took a gold medal in
Kazakhstan
Correct article usage
the Kazakhstan
show examples
 National Mathematical Olympiad and received a lot of rewards from our government.
In addition
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, the educational performance of humans
also
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 depends on the
teacher
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 and his teaching methods. If a
teacher
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 is a professional in
such
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 a business, he always will be able to force students to learn the subject, even those who don't have a desire to study.
For instance
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, Muammer Gul was a math
teacher
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 at Aqtobe Lyceum in the 1990s. He prepared three students for the International Mathematical Olympiad from one class: and all of them took a gold medal.
Moreover
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, he received a Guinness record reward for doing
this
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. In conclusion, the attitude of people to the subject is, of course, a very important aspect of learning. Despite
this
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, there are
also
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 other issues that impact learner's performance.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance, which is great. However, try to expand more on your arguments and tie them closely to the main point of each paragraph. For example, in your first paragraph about natural talent, you could explain more about how this influences educational success aside from just mentioning it.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, ensure that each paragraph builds logically on the previous one and provides smooth transitions between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you have used a range of cohesive devices correctly and varied your sentence structures slightly more to improve the readability and flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
You use specific and relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with identifiable paragraphs and main points.
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