IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. Some claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Citizens of many nations are replacing their traditional
foods
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 with foreign convenience
foods
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. Certain individuals claim that
this
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 situation has disadvantages for households and societies.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because
this
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 change can lead to the loss of cultural heritage and increase the level of obesity.
Firstly
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, a decrease in the popularity of simple meals may lead to the mislaying of cultural inheritance. Each nation distinguishes itself from others thanks to its own customs or traditions, inherited from generation to generation.
Therefore
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, forgetting these items can cause the full loss of one part of cultural identity.Take,
for instance
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, adults who do not teach their children about the importance of traditional
foods
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 because they do not think that it is necessary. If young people do not know about it and eat only foreign meals,
this
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 will decline the popularity of culture.
Secondly
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, constant usage of fast
foods
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 can cause fatness.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
this
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 type of nourishment contains a high level of additives,
such
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 as sugar, salt and fat. Daily consumption of these substances
instead
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 of conventional methods results in gaining weight at a fast rate.
For example
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, the survey conducted in the capital city of the USA, where most of the inhabitants eat unhealthy food every day, revealed that 64% of the population suffers from obesity. In conclusion, the change associated with the replacement of established nutriment with international
foods
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 is a negative development because I believe that it can erase ethnic distinctiveness and increase the prevalence of fat people in society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure topic sentences clearly summarize the paragraph's main point.
task achievement
Provide more varied and detailed examples to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and sticks to it throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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