Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some professionals argue that for wealthy countries, increasing their
level
of economics
will not result in satisfied citizens
. I agree that rich countries can't provide more satisfaction for their people
just increasing
Change preposition
by increasing
economics
. My take on this
is that citizens
achieving a basic level
of life will need to be more interested in education or environment
improvement. Replace the word
environmental
On the other hand
, rich
Add an article
a rich
the rich
country
not
always mean wealthy Change the verb form
does not
did not
people
.
In a developed country
with steady economics
, people
tend to worry more about social problems either
Correct word choice
than
economics
. It is common, when
the basic Correct word choice
that when
level
of needs is covered, citizens
start to improve to the next level
of well-being. Some people
would be more interested in developing education, some would attempt to improve the ecological situation in a country
or even in the world. For instance
, if the family already has all necessary
for regular life, including house, car and medical insurance. The yield of Replace the word
the necessities
this
average family is high, they can afford a lot of things to
themself. But it's often Change preposition
for
on
that stage that Change preposition
at
owing
new stuff or devices Correct your spelling
owning
don't
bring happiness.
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
In contrast
to citizens
who already have all to cover base
Add a hyphen
base-level
level
needs, it is still possible that in a very developed and rich country
we can find poverty-stricken Add a comma
country,
people
. From my point of view, there is no rich country
in the world which solves the problem of indulgent people
. Even if economics
is steadily growing, we can easily find people
that
are not satisfied with their Correct pronoun usage
who
life
.
In conclusion, it's impossible for wealthy and developed countries to achieve happy Fix the agreement mistake
lives
citizens
by merely improving only
Correct word choice
apply
economics
.Submitted by nadin45681 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is essential to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that signal the main idea to the reader. Each paragraph should explore one main idea in depth, rather than jumping between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more clearly developed. Your introduction should clearly paraphrase the essay prompt and state your thesis, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The main points require better development and support. Consider using more concrete examples, statistics, or expert opinions to back up your arguments. Make sure these supports directly relate to the topic sentences of your paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task. You have presented a position, but the response does not fully address the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' aspect of the prompt. You should clearly express the degree to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. Your reasoning could be developed further to better explain how and why increasing economic wealth might not lead to greater satisfaction in rich countries. Aim for greater clarity in expressing your arguments.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. The examples given are too general and do not adequately illustrate the points you are trying to make. Specific, real-world examples can greatly strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.