IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some professionals argue that for wealthy countries, increasing their
level
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 of
economics
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 will not result in satisfied
citizens
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. I agree that rich countries can't provide more satisfaction for their
people
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 just
increasing
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by increasing
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economics
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. My take on
this
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 is that
citizens
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 achieving a basic
level
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 of life will need to be more interested in education or
environment
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environmental
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 improvement.
On the other hand
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,
rich
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a rich
the rich
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country
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not
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does not
did not
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 always mean wealthy
people
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. In a developed
country
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 with steady
economics
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,
people
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 tend to worry more about social problems
either
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than
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economics
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. It is common,
when
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that when
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 the basic
level
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 of needs is covered,
citizens
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 start to improve to the next
level
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 of well-being. Some
people
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 would be more interested in developing education, some would attempt to improve the ecological situation in a
country
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 or even in the world.
For instance
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, if the family already has all
necessary
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the necessities
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 for regular life, including house, car and medical insurance. The yield of
this
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 average family is high, they can afford a lot of things
to
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for
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 themself. But it's often
on
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at
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 that stage that
owing
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owning
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 new stuff or devices
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
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 bring happiness.
In contrast
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 to
citizens
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 who already have all to cover
base
Add a hyphen
base-level
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level
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 needs, it is still possible that in a very developed and rich
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country
Add a comma
country,
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 we can find poverty-stricken
people
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. From my point of view, there is no rich
country
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 in the world which solves the problem of indulgent
people
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. Even if
economics
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 is steadily growing, we can easily find
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are not satisfied with their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In conclusion, it's impossible for wealthy and developed countries to achieve happy
citizens
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 by merely improving
only
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apply
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economics
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is essential to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that signal the main idea to the reader. Each paragraph should explore one main idea in depth, rather than jumping between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more clearly developed. Your introduction should clearly paraphrase the essay prompt and state your thesis, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
The main points require better development and support. Consider using more concrete examples, statistics, or expert opinions to back up your arguments. Make sure these supports directly relate to the topic sentences of your paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task. You have presented a position, but the response does not fully address the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' aspect of the prompt. You should clearly express the degree to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. Your reasoning could be developed further to better explain how and why increasing economic wealth might not lead to greater satisfaction in rich countries. Aim for greater clarity in expressing your arguments.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. The examples given are too general and do not adequately illustrate the points you are trying to make. Specific, real-world examples can greatly strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic wealth
  • happiness
  • basic needs
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • satisfaction
  • hedonic adaptation
  • social connections
  • community involvement
  • personal fulfillment
  • opportunities
  • leisure activities
  • psychological phenomenon
  • diminishing returns
  • affluence
What to do next:
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