IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people are using computers and electric devices to access information; therefore, there is no need for printed books, magazines, and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #devices #access #information #books #magazines #newspapers
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Nowadays, data exchange can be done within a fraction of a second anytime from anywhere. The advancements in technology are the reason behind
this
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. It has become a basic commodity for many
people
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 to
access
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information
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 regarding anything from their electronic devices and
hence
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, there will be no use of
newspapers
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 and paperbacks in the coming future.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement and discusses the reasons.
To begin
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 with, it is not a secret that social media has become the new
information
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 exchange platform in
this
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 generation.
People
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 from various ends of the world now can share data no matter what kind of info it is.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can
access
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this
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information
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 instantly from the comfort of their homes using laptops, mobile phones and tabs.
For instance
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, India is a developing country with many rural areas.
However
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, during the lockdown, many
people
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 suffered from boredom since
people
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 were not allowed to go out and the primary source of
information
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 was stopped.
Therefore
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, they started browsing on internet where
news
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 goes viral, and
this
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 helped everyone to know about the latest
news
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 across the world very fast. Even though the lockdown was lifted,
people
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 got used to social media which gives instant
news
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 and now it is the go-to place to
access
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 any new
information
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.
This
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also
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 encouraged
people
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 from villages to
access
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news
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 from the internet which in return reduced the usage of traditional ways of accessing
news
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overall
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, all the paperbacks are now available in e-book format and are easily accessible on the Internet. Students can gather the data
that is
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 required for their courses and studies from
this
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 mass networking.
To conclude
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, though conventional
newspapers
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 give a lot of
information
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, they are not instant.
However
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,
people
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 have become habituated to getting the latest
news
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 instantly and prefer to use social media on their devices over
newspapers
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 and books. Henceforth, there wouldn’t be a sight of these
newspapers
Use synonyms
 anywhere.
Submitted by tejanavyapc2000 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are clearly distinguishable and flow logically. Your essay shows a good sequence, but there could be clearer transitions and signposting to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay has these, but the conclusion could be more powerful by summarizing all the main points before issuing a final statement.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with relevant details and examples. While the essay provides some examples, they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. Your essay agrees with the statement but considering the counter-arguments could provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Present ideas clearly and comprehensively. Your essay does this well in parts, but refining topic sentences and making sure each paragraph has one clear main idea can improve clarity.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your arguments. The examples given are pertinent, but they would benefit from being more developed and specific to illustrate the point more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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