IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Due to advances in science and technology, the lifestyle of people everywhere in the world has become similar. Is this a positive or a negative development?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that advances in science and technology have made people’s
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 increasingly similar across the globe.
Although
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 some may believe that
this
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 is a positive development, I am convinced that it is a negative one
due to
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 various reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. One of the most apparent drawbacks is that cultural diversity is gradually being lost. To illustrate, as people around the world adopt similar technologies, entertainment, and consumption patterns, traditional customs and local identities tend to disappear.
For instance
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, global social media platforms, international brands, and digital
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 often replace local traditions, languages, and ways of living.
As a result
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, younger generations may value global trends more than their own cultural heritage, leading to cultural homogenisation. Another downside that should not be overlooked is that similar
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 can increase social pressure and unrealistic expectations. To clarify, when people are constantly exposed to the same images of success, wealth, and lifestyle online, they may feel pressured to live in a certain way regardless of their personal circumstances.
For example
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, individuals in developing countries may feel dissatisfied with their lives when comparing themselves to global standards promoted through technology, which can negatively affect mental well-being and social equality. To recapitulate, it is evident that
although
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 scientific and technological advances have connected people worldwide, the resulting similarity in
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 has led to the loss of cultural identity and increased social pressure.
Therefore
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, I believe that
this
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 development is more negative than positive, and societies should make greater efforts to preserve cultural diversity
while
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 continuing to benefit from technological progress.

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task response
You give a clear view and start to answer the question well. To raise the score, add more proof in the body and show a small view of the other side, then explain why your view is still best.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas flow and there are link words; the plan is seen in the writing. To improve, keep a tighter plan for each paragraph, and use more clear sign words to move from one idea to the next. End with a strong final thought.
grammar vocabulary
Use only simple words. Check grammar in small parts, like tense and subject form, to avoid small slips.
task response
You state a clear view and answer the question.
coherence
You give two good points and simple examples to back them up.
coherence
There is a easy path of idea in the writing with linking words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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