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Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Others, however, believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #children #school #home #six #seven #years
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It is argued whether
children
 should start primary education as soon as possible or be left at home until they reach the
age
 of six or seven years. Attending schools earlier than the arbitrary
school-
Correct your spelling
school age
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age
 has many advantages including enhancing the child’s social and knowledge development. For
children
 to achieve social milestones at a normal
age
, they should be given a chance to intermingle with other
children
 of the same
age
. In a school environment,
children
 would be able to utilise their language to communicate and bond with fellows
,
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apply
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 and grasp different social cues.
This
 is crucial for shaping the child’s identity in the future.
For instance
, a recent study published in the UK proved that
children
 who experience going to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 as toddlers are likely to be more outspoken and confident as adults.
In contrast
, spending the first years of life at home could limit the
children
’s social interaction and might result in a developmental delay. Another merit for schooling earlier than the already set
age
 is: allowing teachers to spot intelligent students at younger ages. Recognising
this
 early is beneficial for both the school and parents. The school could dedicate extra effort
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those talented students to make them achieve outstanding scores
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the national exams.
This
 will not only improve the institute’s national reputation but
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
also
 allow it to compete at a global level. The parents,
on the other hand
, would be more motivated to provide their smart child with adequate emotional and academic support.
To conclude
, registering
children
 at schools since their early years has many favourable short and
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 outcomes. By doing so,
children
 will easily
catch
Verb problem
acquire
show examples
 social skills and receive the required educational needs to excel in the future.
Submitted by hanafadeel on

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task response
Your introduction needs to provide a clearer overview of both sides of the argument and your own opinion. Ensure you fully address all parts of the task including a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal stance.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Also, strive for paragraph unity by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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