IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

As well as making money, businesses have social reponsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #reponsibilities
Other than support for living, entrepreneurship
also
 carries social accountabilities. I completely agree with that perspective since business requires interaction between many parties.
To begin
 with, businesses are responsible for the environmental condition by managing their goods' packaging. Nowadays, the waste of manufactured products has risen since people are
immeadiately
Correct your spelling
immediately
 dump the packing of their groceries without thinking to recycle it.
For example
, people who buy skincare and perfume are not likely to keep the products' wrap because they don't need it anymore.
This
 phenomenon might
guide
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to the increase of
litters
Fix the agreement mistake
litter
show examples
 in the earth. So
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
, it is necessary for the company to minimalize the product's design to diminish the environmental rubbish production.
Additionally
, embracing awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 social movements will build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good branding for the company. By carrying a wide-spread issue for marketing, the corporation is more likely to gain
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
show examples
 sympathy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
sales
Correct article usage
a sales
show examples
 lift.
For instance
, if a company makes a campaign about gender equality, there are chances that activists will notice the agency and start to purchase from them. In conclusion, I suppose that businesses are responsible for social tasks and taking those responsibilities can actually bring them back more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 eventually.
Submitted by iamthenextawardee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas to enhance the logical structure. The essay shows a basic level of structure, but transitions could be smoother and ideas more thoroughly connected for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, yet need to be more impactful by directly addressing the essay question and clearly summarizing the main points, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Further support main points with a variety of detailed examples and explanations to strengthen arguments and overall cohesion.
task achievement
The response to the task is adequate but slightly underdeveloped. Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt with elaborated and expanded ideas for a higher score.
task achievement
Strive for clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas. Each paragraph should contain a central idea that is explored in depth to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments effectively. While some examples are pertinent, they could be more detailed and better elaborated to enhance task achievement.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: