There are an increasing number of serious crime committed each year. while some people say the best way would be to use the death penalty as deterrent, many people say that other measures will be needed. discuss both views and give opinoin.
Since the
number
of recorded violent crimes
is increasing continuously, proponents of the death
penalty
believe that it might deter people from committing those crimes
, while
others argue that alternative solutions should be explored. It is my firm belief that enforcing executions of culprits is not the ultimate solution to tackle the atrocities committed by them, but rather a milder yet pragmatic action such
as prevention programs in communities needs to be considered.
On the one hand, after experiencing many felonious acts by the guilty, a number
of countries
have developed a radical and the most unthinkable punishment method to equalize justice in societies. Although
the death
penalty
has been eliminated by some countries
, nevertheless
it exists even in countries
that could be considered the centre of democracy like the USA. Bearing in mind the fact that the death
penalty
exists in the USA, it is still one of the most dangerous countries
to live in due to
a high number
of mass shootings and serious crimes
. I think, sustaining the death
penalty
without rectifying the major shortcomings in societies like exerting gun control measures, will be a futile effort to keep executing the murderers.
On the other hand
, some propose discerning new alternatives to overcome the rising number
of major offences. As a vivid case of exploring new solutions, educating people and investing in community-based that focus on crime prevention, especially among at-risk populations are the most pertinent owing to their mass influence over culprits. Furthermore
, education is one of the most important factors that has the capability to help people who might otherwise
turn to crime.
In conclusion, while
the death
penalty
may be seen as a means to reduce similar crimes
, I argue that the key emphasis should be on comprehensive education for the youth and the organization of community-supportive events to aid those in the highest-risk groups."Submitted by orkhanshamil on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow of ideas by using cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay. While the essay has a fair structure, some transitions may seem abrupt or unclear.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main points of the discussion. The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay, but they could be further refined to offer a more precise thesis statement and summarization of the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea, supported by specific examples and explanations. The essay has identifiable main points, but providing more detailed examples and sharper analysis would enhance the arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, including discussing both views and providing your own opinion. While the essay covers both sides of the argument and includes a personal opinion, it could achieve a higher score by fully expanding on these points and giving them equal weight.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas with comprehensive explanations and examples. The essay presents a series of ideas related to the topic; however, to improve your score, focus on developing each point with clear, comprehensive explanations and more relevant examples.
task achievement
Include specific examples to illustrate your points and to make your arguments more persuasive. The inclusion of specific examples would elevate the essay, as general statements without solid examples can weaken the overall impact of the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?