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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Many children devote hours each day to using their smartphones.
This
 essay will discuss how the present entertainment value draws children in, and state that on the whole, smartphones are portable and easy to use, making them readily available for amusement or communication at any time.
Overall
, mobile phones provide access to games, videos, and social media, offering engaging content that captures their attention. By using apps and scrolling social media which is very common among teenagers, they always want to be in trend and find new friends, as it offers a variety of opportunities than in real life. Children can stick for a long time both in social media and playing video games because developers created popular techniques which is very significant to increase the number of their users.
For instance
, Instagram and TikTok, both platforms analyze user behaviour,
such
 as likes, comments, shares, and hours spent on posts, to curate a personalized feed that showcases content likely to resonate with individual users.
However
,
this
 phenomenon has great drawbacks, including physical health issues and reduced attention span.
Moreover
, increased screen time is associated with a sedentary lifestyle, which can contribute to obesity, poor posture, and related health problems. Eventually, to prevent that youngsters should be controlled by parents and spend much more hours studying and on things that matter to them.
For example
, it is available to set limits for platforms,
also
, the app will be automatically switched off if a youngster wants to use it again. In conclusion, the web has changed our interactions forever, misleading the young generation, so, it should not be forgotten that gadgets are created to make life easier not to destroy our insight world.
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coherence cohesion
To strengthen your logical structure, consider breaking your ideas into clearer paragraphs with a specific focus. For instance, dedicate one paragraph entirely to the reasons why children spend time on smartphones, and another to discuss the consequences or opinions on this phenomenon.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data that illustrate your points tangibly. This will not only support your ideas but also demonstrate a solid understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on enhancing clarity by refining your sentences. Avoid overly complex constructions that might cloud your ideas, aiming instead for direct and concise communication.
task achievement
Your essay includes both reasons for the phenomenon and a discussion about its impact, showing a balanced consideration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You successfully provided a conclusion that restates the importance of the issue and maintains a clear standpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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