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Band 1

television is dangerous because it destorus family life and any sence of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #destorus #life #sence #community #people
in our life theirs a lot of
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definite
deference
deffrinte
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differences
 between now and before in
this
time
 we are in
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technology
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a tochnology
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tochnology
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technology
 world
which
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in which
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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everything
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every thing
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everything
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 we
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 is by technology back to our question if i agree
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the television is dangerous because it
destorus
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destroys
distorts
 family life and any
sence
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sense
 of community in my opinion
i
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apply
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think the cellphone is more
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effect
effact
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effective
 and dangerous
more
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apply
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than television the
resone
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reason
 behind my opinion is the
cllephone
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cellphone
 can be with anybody
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whether
wheather
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whether
if
Correct word choice
apply
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it is
adult
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an adult
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 or even
children
Fix the agreement mistake
a child,
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 and
this
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
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 that they will stuck with their cellphones all the
time
 and most of their day will
speand
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spend
 it
wach
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with
 cellphone but TV all
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 can
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watch
wach
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watch
it
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apply
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to gather and have
exelante
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explanted
Excelente
time
 and we can
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control
controle
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control
about
Change preposition
apply
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what
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whet
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what
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 we can see or what we can not see and it
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
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 to
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manage
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manege
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manage
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 the
time
 for
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watching
waching
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watching
 TV
Submitted by monm8097 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Proceed with a logical structure to present your arguments, using clear paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
Support your main points with relevant examples and clear explanations. Make sure the examples are directly related to the topic and contribute to the argument you are making.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices to link your ideas smoothly and clarify the relationship between sentences and paragraphs. Consistent use of these will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
language
Check your work for errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Correct use of language helps in conveying your ideas effectively and is necessary for a higher score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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