In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#parts #world #market #products #whiten #people #skin #outline #effects #terms #health #society

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Every woman nowadays has a

skincare

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routine. There are a variety of

skincare

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these days ranging from serum, moisturizer, sunscreen, and toner. Each type of product has its benefits

such

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as slowing the signs of

aging

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ageing

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, brightening, hydration, and reviving dull-looking

skin

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However

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while

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I believe that

such

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products

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are beneficial to the individual, I agree that they have had damaging

effects

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in terms of health and society. With regards to individuals, the impact that

skincare

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products

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have had on each person has clear advantages.

Firstly

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people

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would want a

skincare

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item that had an immediate effect.

Therefore

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, many companies started to release beauty items that had the effect of brightening and whitening claiming that the product would work in a short amount of time. So the

people

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who rarely had a chance to wait for a long time to see the outcome become tempted by the

products

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Secondly

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, in the beauty industry,

people

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tend to believe that fairer

skin

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can be regarded as superior.

This

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is because of media that shows having white

skin

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as ideal for all. Henceforth, countless women begin to follow the current beauty trends without researching the product ingredients.

On the other hand

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, these

products

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have negative

effects

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people

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's health.

For instance

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, companies mix chemical ingredients in these

products

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and they are harmful to the

skin

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. A recent study has shown that the components of these

products

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are carcinogenic and may cause cancer if applied regularly. There are detrimental

effects

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on the society as well.

People

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with darker

skin

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believe that white is better than black. Owing to

this

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, they try to avoid being part of social events;

as a result

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, they suffer from depression and stress. In conclusion, it is indeed a fact that whitening

products

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have a profitable market. Media influence is one of the major factors contributing to

this

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trend.

However

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, steps should be taken to change

this

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mindset as it has hazardous

effects

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people

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and society.

Submitted by pnasywasina on Mon Dec 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay would benefit significantly from a stronger logical structure. Ideas should flow in a clear and systematic manner with more effective use of cohesive devices.

coherence cohesion

Introducing a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and ensuring that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points could enhance the introduction and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with more detailed explanations. Utilize specific examples to reinforce arguments throughout the essay.

task achievement

Ensure the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand on the reasons for using skin-lightening products and discuss the consequences more comprehensively.

task achievement

Ideas should be expressed with greater clarity and developed more thoroughly. Avoid vague generalizations and strive for more comprehensive discussions.

task achievement

Include more relevant, specific examples to strengthen the response. Personal examples or widely recognized facts can add credibility to the essay.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

327 words

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