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Band 1

It is difficult for people to get enough physical exercise in cities. What are the causes and solutions?

#people #exercise #cities
It is true that
people
 who live in big towns do not have time to work, and the number of
people
 not exercising is increasing. So,
this
 is a big problem in many cities.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 problem and will give reasons, and the way to solve
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, the cause of why the new generation does not prefer to work. First of all,
people
 who live in a big town most of them have a busy timeline.
For instance
, some of them need to work more than eight hours per day. So, I think that the reason why
people
 do not
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
movement
Correct your spelling
move is
show examples
 because of time. The best way to solve
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
everyone
Change preposition
for everyone
show examples
 should support them
such
 as their office should have
program
Add an article
a program
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical exercise for
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
.
For example
, dancing
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 one
hours
Change to a singular noun
hour
show examples
 per day
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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Introduction
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, which should come at the end of the introduction to provide a roadmap for the rest of the essay. Be sure to state your main points directly and how you intend to answer the question.
Body Paragraphs
The main body of the essay should be divided into distinct paragraphs, each discussing a specific point. You need to ensure that you expand on each reason and solution with adequate explanations and examples.
Conclusion
A conclusion is necessary to effectively wrap up the essay. This should summarize the main points discussed and restate your stance in a clear and succinct manner.
Cohesion
The transition between ideas should be smooth, using conjunctions and cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs effectively. Currently, ideas seem disconnected and do not flow naturally.
Support
Provide specific, detailed examples to support your points. These examples should be relevant and should clearly illustrate the issue being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban lifestyle
  • Sedentary jobs
  • Physical activity/exercise
  • Motorized transport
  • Cycling
  • High density living
  • Recreational facilities
  • Time constraints
  • Commuting
  • Unhealthy food options
  • Public awareness
  • Health and well-being
  • Active transportation
  • Infrastructure improvements
  • Workplace initiatives
  • Community events
  • Incentives
  • Gym memberships
  • Wellness programs
What to do next:
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