IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is difficult for people to get enough physical exercise in cities. What are the causes and solutions?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 living in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 cannot get sufficient physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 has become an increasing problem. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is mainly caused by the lack of sufficient public
areas
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 and the living pressures of
people
Use synonyms
. There are several solutions that can be implied as below.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 rapid urbanization, many
cities
Use synonyms
 focus on commercial real estate development rather than building more public
areas
Use synonyms
, which means
people
Use synonyms
 lack public
areas
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, governments sacrifice street parks to build skyscrapers and residences in order to earn more money as revenue resources,
consequently
Linking Words
, children have nowhere to play but at home longer or go to paid playgrounds.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
's living pressure is higher than before, which means they need to work longer or seek another part-time job to make a living. Because of overwork, they are too exhausted to spend time on
exercise
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, working hours have been extended to over ten or twelve hours one day in many
cities
Use synonyms
, so they arrive home almost at midnight and wake up late the next morning. There are several solutions that can be taken into consideration to solve the problems. For the government, more fundamental infrastructures need to be constructed to meet residents' requirements, especially in those large residential
areas
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, more measures should be introduced to avoid overwork, which can be harmful to the health of labourers in
cities
Use synonyms
. For those who are living in poverty, the government should build round housing guarantee systems to assist their lives. Companies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
should be alerted that overworking may be against the law,
therefore
Linking Words
, they should respect their staff and provide equal relaxation to them.
For the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 education systems,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should help children realise the importance of building healthy bodies, and assist them
to establish
Change preposition
in establishing
show examples
 positive living habits. In conclusion, it is true that
people
Use synonyms
 are struggling with getting enough physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, it can be solved as long as the government, the companies and schools work together.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical sequence, without abrupt changes in topic or argument flow. Transition phrases can help in connecting ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are essential components. The introduction should clearly state the main topic and your stance. The conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
While presenting a main point, always back it up with specific, detailed examples. This strengthens the argument and demonstrates a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To achieve a high score in task achievement, ensure that you have fully responded to all parts of the task with developed ideas that are explained clearly and related to the topic.
task achievement
Ideas should be clear and comprehensive. They should offer an in-depth exploration of the topic, rather than just a superficial overview.
task achievement
Use a wide range of relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. Over-generalized statements do not show the same level of understanding or engagement with the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban lifestyle
  • Sedentary jobs
  • Physical activity/exercise
  • Motorized transport
  • Cycling
  • High density living
  • Recreational facilities
  • Time constraints
  • Commuting
  • Unhealthy food options
  • Public awareness
  • Health and well-being
  • Active transportation
  • Infrastructure improvements
  • Workplace initiatives
  • Community events
  • Incentives
  • Gym memberships
  • Wellness programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: