In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Recently more people have tended to buy their needs
such
as groceries, garments, appliances, and so on, from grand shopping
malls
. The consequence of their desire for
this
kind of shopping has been presented with the closure of more local small stores day by day. In
this
letter
Add a comma
letter,
show examples
I argue the negative aspects of
this
development
, before turning to the positive ones and I believe the positive aspects are more significant than the negatives. In some individual's minds, the closure of local
shops
appears with gross changes in society.
In other words
, their claim is the positions of owners turned to employees.
However
, these changes may assume a positive first impression, we should not forget the fact that the existence of small
shops
creates competition among service providers, which is usually tailored to the needs of consumers.
For example
, in the past local
shops
,
due to
their owner’s authority, placed some discounts to draw more attention to their business. Needless to say, the change in folk's position from employer to employee took their power to control the prices and
this
change ended in higher costs for customers. On the flip side, by developing more shopping
malls
, the opportunities for more entertainment
besides
shopping are provided.
Moreover
, most of the shopping
malls
have been equipped with different facilities, playgrounds for kids, cinemas, and so on, to impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consumer’s
Change noun form
consumer
show examples
welfare
besides
shopping.
Furthermore
, shopping in huge
malls
would be helpful to waste less time on shopping. They usually contain different variety of stores from groceries to different brands of attire, which help every individual to buy all the stuff without commuting between several locations.
In addition
, these
malls
are springing up with lots of new careers for society. In conclusion,
although
the
development
of big shopping centres affected lots of small local
shops
and anchored them to closure, I assume
this
development
is a positive
development
from the consumer's view.
Submitted by ali on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good practice. However, the logical connections between ideas could be improved. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure paragraphs are well-developed with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
You have addressed the task but could provide a more balanced argument by exploring both sides of the development equally. Expand on your ideas with further explanation and show the impact of these developments in a more detailed fashion, ensuring that you offer a balanced view before drawing a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community character
  • specialized products
  • homogenized
  • local economy
  • circulating
  • variety
  • convenient
  • social hubs
  • infrastructure
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • energy consumption
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