IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#minutes #topic #people #school #children #homework #teachers #role #education
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Some individuals argue that
children
 having
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
homework
 is overwhelming and it should be stopped.
While other
Correct word choice
Other
show examples
 opinions explain that
homework
 is crucial when it comes to effective education. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both statements and give my personal thinking.
Firstly
, education nowadays is much more complicated and the amount of
homework
 given
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
 is comparatively more than it was in the past.
Subsequently
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 volume of tasks
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
students
 feel stressed and anxious which leads to mental health problems.
For example
, Korea is one of the countries where
happens
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many suicides because of pressure from parents
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
, which is vividly shown in dramas
such
 as Sky High and Penthouse.
Children
 on their way to meet their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 expectations end up losing touch with their true selves and forgetting about their dreams.
On the other hand
, having
homework
 helps
students
 to solidify their knowledge. Doing exercise at school with other
students
 and
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 it at home are totally different things.
Furthermore
,
exercising
Change preposition
by exercising
show examples
 on their own
students
 will learn how to do it alone and cope with the task,
also
Correct pronoun usage
which also
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
builds confidence in
this
 subject and area.
For instance
, math is one of the subjects which will be learnt by only
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
. Solving mathematical equations they will get used to
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 it and get comfortable with expressions without getting scared of them. In my opinion,
children
 should be assigned
homework
, as it allows them to actively engage with and learn from the material, rather than merely observing and listening
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Besides
, understanding information is one thing, but truly acquiring knowledge is another.
Submitted by tyulyubayeva.ayaulym on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is then developed and supported by specific examples or explanations. Your introduction should clearly state the scope and purpose of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a logical organization by arranging ideas in a way that each one leads naturally to the next. Use cohesive devices, such as linking words and transition phrases, to help the reader understand the connections between ideas.
task achievement
Maintain focus on the topic throughout the essay without digressing. Each paragraph should contribute to your overall argument or narrative.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, ensure that you summarize your key points and restate your own opinion clearly, providing a sense of closure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overly complex or long sentences that may make comprehension difficult. Instead, use a variety of sentence structures that are both clear and effective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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