Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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day and age, many people still
debated
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debate
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about whether
the
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apply
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children should
neither
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either
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learn the
overall
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courses
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or the specific field at
school
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. Despite
this
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topic still being a public controversy,
this
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essay will explain both of these views, and I believe that the
pupils
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who learning a wide range of studies will get more benefits than the
students
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that
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who
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only focus on certain
field
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fields
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of
studies
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study
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. Learning a specific field in
school
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leads the
students
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to
being
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be
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a specialist in the
future
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.
This
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is because the
pupils
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can focus on the
subjects
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that they are interested
to study
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in studying
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.
For instance
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,
the
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apply
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high
school
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students
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that choose to deeply learn about
the
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apply
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economics
courses
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will only learn about
the
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apply
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macroenomy
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macroeconomy
theories, how
the
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apply
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government policies
has
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have
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affected
towards
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apply
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society, and the principles of accounting.
As a consequence
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, by specializing to study on a certain knowledge, the
pupils
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will easily opt
their
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for their
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future
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professions or
career
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projections
as well as
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being
a
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apply
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renowned industry
expert
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experts
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.
On the other hand
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, the
students
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that prefer to learn a broad range of
courses
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will
expose
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be exposed
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to many kinds of fields that
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
Correct article usage
an emphasize
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emphasize
Replace the word
emphasis
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to
Change preposition
on
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the
students
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' flexibility
to
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in
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their
future
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career
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aspirations.
For example
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, people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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focus
to study
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on studying
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sciences will learn several
courses
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related to physics, chemistry, and biology.
By being
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Being
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a generalist,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will improve the
students
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' soft skills,
such
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as critical thinking and
problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
. They have the opportunity to grow and learn all the
subjects
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and choose their own
career
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path. In other ways, the more
subjects
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they learn, the bigger opportunity they can reach in the
future
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.
To sum up
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, the
students
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that
being
Verb problem
become
show examples
a specialist will highly
possible to
Rephrase
likely
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become
the
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apply
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industry
expert
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experts
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in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
an
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early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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.
However
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, the
pupils
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that learn the comprehensive
subjects
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at
school
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are significant to the
pupils
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' enhancement
to
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of
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their
future
Use synonyms
career
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determinations.
Submitted by asyifannisakh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by using cohesive devices effectively and organizing paragraphs cohesively. The essay shows some organization but can benefit from clearer transitions and paragraph topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Ensure the introduction clearly states the essay's purpose and the conclusion effectively summarizes main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clear and relevant examples. While some examples are provided, they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The essay attempts to discuss both sides but could present a more thorough analysis and integration of personal opinion throughout.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas in each argument, ensuring that the essay demonstrates a complete understanding of the topic. The essay touches on relevant points but requires more depth and clarity.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support each point. The essay includes examples, but they are somewhat generic. Including specific, real-world examples can enhance the position presented and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
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