Behavior in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.
All over the world people face
up with
Change preposition
apply
Replace the word
behavioural
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
problems
. This
is getting worse. Is it because of the lack of money, is
it because of the independence of the youngest? Does Correct word choice
or is
school
have to take a major role to prevent this
happens
? I am going to give my point of view in my essay.
Wrong verb form
from happening
Firstly
, I want to start with the economic crisis that all societies are facing. I believe, because of that many kids
are getting aggressive. They don't have money to buy what other kids
can, and they become negative, selfish and arrogance
. All these may cause Replace the word
arrogant
problems
with their behaviour
inside the school
communities and teachers have to find a way to pass through. If there was a uniform and a list of things that every pupil can bought
may give less Wrong verb form
could buy
school
behaviour
problems
.
Secondly
, kids
have plenty of free time without the supervision of their parents or an adult. So, they start thinking and behaving as if they are already adults, with the second to lead us in unexpected social behaviours. Kids
need to have somebody to look after them, to give them the right basis for mental and social behaviour
. Maybe their parents or even their teachers. In my country schools closed at noon so kids
have the rest of the day alone. If there are afternoon courses at schools so everybody has to develop social skills through sports activities, theatre or music classes, I believe that the problem will be less.
In closing, I want to mention the necessity of parents and school
teachers, so kids
have better communication skills and better behaviour
. Yes, we have problems
with behaviour
in schools but we have to start from somewhere to help our kids
get better and be more responsible and not so selfish.Submitted by mayiou on
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic structure, but the points made are somewhat unclear and disconnected. The introduction does not effectively set the stage for a strong argument, and the conclusion is weak. Improve the logical flow by connecting ideas more cohesively and ensure each paragraph contributes distinctly to the overall argument. Consider using clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
task achievement
While you address the topic, your response lacks depth and detailed exploration of the causes and solutions related to worsening school behavior. You should expand on your ideas with specific, relevant examples and explanations. Also, make sure to directly answer the question by clearly stating and discussing the causes and suggesting practical, detailed solutions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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