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Band 4.5

The number of obese children is growing over the past years. Some say that parents should be punished for letting their child becoming fat. Discuss and give your opinion.

#children #years #say #parents #child
In the
last
 few years, more boys and girls
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 very overweight , and
this
 has made a number of people suggest that their mothers and fathers should be penalised for
such
 changes. Possible reasons why parents may have to be punished are because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they are responsible for their children and are required to have suitable nutrition plans for them. They are expected to be completely involved in every aspect of their ward's life. Nothing that goes on in the life of the kids happens without the knowledge of mothers at the very least , because they spend a considerable amount of time at home. Even the slightest physical change like a weight gain or loss ,to changes in eating habits and health concerns ought to be very much obvious .
For instance
, 95% of mums know when their babies are due for a visit to their
pediatrician
Change the spelling
paediatrician
show examples
. What goes into the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
mouth of the younger ones in a family is expected to be appropriately considered by the parents to ensure it is safe and healthy. Every food plan, nutritional and dietary requirement of a child is a topic most often discussed during every hospital visit and
therefore
 remains the sole duty of the guardian.
For instance
, my sister does not allow her daughter
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
 chocolates or sweets past 7 in the evening and her son who is often anaemic is always forced by his mum to eat beans at least twice a week. In conclusion, fathers and mothers are expected to be responsible for their
kids
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 health
as well as
 ensuring that they are appropriately fed. I believe that if we began to consider the pathogenesis of obesity, we would discover how the part parents play in all of it is only minimal.
Submitted by annodunowo on

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task response
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction, with a paraphrased task and a clear thesis statement that outlines your position for the essay. The body paragraphs should develop your arguments systematically with clear topic sentences. Conclude by summarizing your arguments and restating your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Develop paragraphs that progress logically from one to the next with clear topic sentences that guide the reader. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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