IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, loads of
information
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 is being spread widely through the Internet which seems to be a great way of sharing knowledge
according to
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 some people.
However
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, another opinion is that major
information
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 shouldn’t be exchanged publicly. From my perspective, I believe in the latter
due to
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 some reason which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. A common point of view shows that sharing
information
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 should be applied more in many scientific studies.
Firstly
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, it is a proper method for some scholars who are preparing for their essays or majors at their institutes because there will be data and the right details of some laboratory work.
For example
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, if they are learning about some antiques in the Middle Ages, they would love to read some reports about the excavation of that period.
Moreover
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, shared
information
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 can prompt society because it provides techniques, and effective methods in order to develop some aspects of the nations.
On the other hand
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, I assume that not every
information
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 should be spread.
Initially
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, the confidential documents of the nations have to be kept and preserved in the safest ways because the former will affect the development and safety of the territory.
For instance
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, the amount of nuclear power that a country is holding can't be leaked out.
Besides
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, researchers and scientists have to work industriously in order to gain those data, so not spreading it is a respectful way to do it. In conclusion, it is commonly believed that there should be widespread
information
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 as it helps students knowledgeable and society more developed, but I supposed that some databases should be kept privately since they relate to the industriousness of the authors and the safety of the nation.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure, but there is room for improvement in ensuring that your ideas flow seamlessly. Use a broader range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
You've supported your main points to an extent; however, providing more detailed examples and explanations would bolster your arguments. Ensure each paragraph develops a single idea fully.
task achievement
You've provided a response that addresses the tasks, yet it remains somewhat basic. To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully develop your response to all parts of the prompt. Your opinion should also be consistently clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
While your essay has clear and comprehensive ideas, you can achieve higher marks by expounding on them with greater depth and sophistication. Aim to demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking in your analysis.
task achievement
You've included some relevant examples, but they lack specificity and depth. To score higher, you should include concrete and specific examples that directly support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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