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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

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In the modern era,
action
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movies
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as well as
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games
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 are extremely popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters. A part of society opines that
such
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 films and computer
games
Use synonyms
 should not be allowed as they have adverse effects
while
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 others reject the notion. Well, I agree with the first notion and the reasons behind both viewpoints will be explained in upcoming paragraphs.
Thus
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, will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
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 with my opinion, the most prominent reason is that thriller
movies
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as well as
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games
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 affect the young generation in an adverse manner.
This
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 is because after watching
action
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 scenes certain people try to perform that in their real life and might end up hurting themselves or their opponent.
For instance
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, In Bollywood
movies
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 actions
such
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 as jumping from a running bike are performed under the supervision of experts and scenes are edited but when these are performed in real, the situation might cause body injuries like fractures to arms and legs.
Furthermore
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, the creation of violent individuals in society might
also
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 be the end result of
such
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 computer
games
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 and films.
As the
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The
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games
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 like GTA and PUBG teach
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 rob
the
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apply
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banks and houses with the help of weapons. To
examplify
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clarify
, the Indian government had conducted a meeting in Parliament to ban
the
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apply
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PUBG in India as there was a robbery In Delhi, India, on the basis of
this
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 digital sport. Needless, to say all these demerits stand in good stead. On the flip side,
action
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 films and technical
games
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 are just released for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment purposes.
Although
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, individuals are living a very hectic life and just to relax their minds
this
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 kind of entertainment media is released in markets. To elaborate,
action
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movies
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 can teach
the
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apply
show examples
young people to identify their inner strength and not to get worried by
any
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apply
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thieves.
Moreover
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, basic self-protection moves can be learned by watching these
movies
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.
Hence
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, it is apparent why many people are in favour of
this
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 trend.
To conclude
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,
according to
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 the reasons aforementioned above one can reach to logical conclusion that the drawbacks of thriller
movies
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as well as
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action
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games
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 are instrumental indeed. But, its potential benefits can
also
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 not be ignored.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the points that you will be discussing. Your conclusion should summarize the points made without adding new information.
Cohesive Devices
Use a range of cohesive devices to help make the logical flow of ideas clear. Be careful not to overuse them and ensure they are always used appropriately.
Main Points Development
Develop your main points with more specific and complex sentences, adding depth and detail to your arguments. This will help in demonstrating a higher level of English and will make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Ensure you fully address both views and your own opinion throughout the essay, providing a balanced discussion before reaching your own conclusion.
Specific Examples
Support your main points with specific and relevant examples. These examples should be detailed and clearly linked to the points you are making.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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