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Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

#countries #adverstisements #children #snacks #toys #items #parents #announcements #perspectives
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Advertisements
 have adverse
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on children,be it positive or negative.Parents have a hard time
in
Change preposition
apply
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keeping their children under control,so they feel that these
advertisements
 are taking a toll
over
Change preposition
on
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 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we are going to talk about both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives. Nowadays,
advertisements
 have become popular
due to
 the growth and increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 production of the products advertised.The
advertisements
 we are talking about
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very creative,colourful,and
eye catching
Add a hyphen
eye-catching
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 for the kids,which results in them wanting
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to taste it or to know how it feels. There is nothing wrong with
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of posters, unless they are healthy and nutritious in case of any snack, good quality toys and products,all
this
 must reflect some kind of positive
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on the children. Parents on the other side have a lot of opinions on the
advertisements
 they watch,as they know it is unhealthy and processed food,
their
Correct word choice
but their
show examples
 kids might not know the same thing.It might actually trouble them,because the product they want can be a bit expensive,or unavailable or they might have a different colour or a flavour,
due to
 the listed factors,kids won't be satisfied In conclusion,we have spoken on both the point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 and my opinion would be ,that the parents get what they want for their kid and educate them about what it is and why is it good or not good,so they might think twice before asking something else the next time.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent structure, which makes it difficult to follow your arguments. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences that develop this idea in a logical way. The use of transition words and cohesive devices would enhance the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Although you have attempted to address the prompt, your response is limited in scope and does not fully discuss both perspectives or your opinion in a detailed manner. Remember to provide a balanced discussion of each viewpoint and support your own opinion with relevant examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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