IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Globalization directly can have an impact on changing society, especially for whole
countries
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. The activities of society in every country become similar because of the trend of e-commerce and convenience online.
While
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 there are irrefutable disadvantages which cause much danger. I personally hold the view with the advantages. In
this
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 essay, I will concur with the pro one to share opportunity and accessibility.
To begin
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 with, the revolution era imposed irrefutable benefits.
For instance
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, it has brought close opportunity with people who looking jog in
marketing
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the marketing
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 division, because through the online system right now people instantly easily know information from all around the world in a big company that we dream of. Like Apple stores that are available in all
countries
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, of course, they will look for a local worker, as it has provided numerous jobs.
On the other hand
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, Accessibility directly can have a diplomatic relationship with other
countries
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.
For example
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, we try to introduce or sell our local product at an international level,
instead
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, they do the same thing. Of course, we try to know and use the products that they need in their hometown. If can compare it with the past era, people needed to travel to another country to buy something that it does not sell in their country. Of course, it takes time, money, and energy. In conclusion, societies have become open-minded and want to try different habits to buy online with similar stuff from other
countries
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. Personally,
this
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 gives a lot of advantages because we can access jobs easily and share a culture of online consumption with different
countries
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay was weak. Paragraphs were not well-developed and transitions between ideas were abrupt at times. It is recommended to work on creating paragraphs that are internally coherent and that logically flow into each other.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion were present, but they were not sufficiently clear nor cogent. The introduction should more clearly outline the essay's position and argument, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and reiterate the writer's stance.
coherence cohesion
The main points were generally supported, but the support was not always relevant or convincing. Make sure to use examples and explanations that directly relate to the main point you are making in each paragraph.
task achievement
The response to the task demonstrates an understanding of the question but could have been developed further to fully satisfy the task. Make sure to address all parts of the task question and provide a more nuanced argument.
task achievement
Ideas presented were clear, but they were not always comprehensive or fully expanded upon. Work toward fully developing your ideas so that they present a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples used were relevant, but they lacked specificity and depth. To strengthen your essay, use specific examples that cogently support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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