The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year by year. While some people believe prison is the best way to tackle crime, others suggest that community service is more successful.”

As the world becomes
well adapted
Add a hyphen
well-adapted
show examples
to globalization and modernization,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime rates are
also
soaring than never before which results in a drastic increase in the population in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prisons
. To diminish the rate of
crimes
in society, some argue that prison is the ultimate solution, and others contrarily, suggest that community
services
would be more appropriate. Both of the aforementioned will be discussed by elaborating on the negative sides involved with the influences that will be obtained in
prisons
and the moral benefits of social
services
. On one hand, some believe that captivity is the key to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mitigating
crimes
. Indeed, capturing
criminals
and keeping them in a cramped room will not facilitate reducing the
crimes
. In opposite to that, individuals who went astray
due to
the circumstances would acquire exposure to the vast society inundated with crime lords.
This
environment even exacerbates the persons who
committed
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
minor
crimes
.
For instance
, if an adolescent commits a little crime
such
as theft or a violation of road rules, he should be dealt with distinctly rather than placing him in jail. So that he could get an opportunity to become more obedient than before.
On the other hand
, community
services
will do better rather than keeping them in
prisons
. As mentioned earlier, individuals who committed
crimes
due to
their circumstances should be provided an opportunity to become a
good-persons
Correct your spelling
persons
show examples
.
This
is where social
services
play a vital role. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
undergo social service,
such
as cleaning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
colleges, painting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
libraries, and other social service activities, they
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
probably get a huge time to think about their mistakes and they realize to never make them again.
To conclude
,
although
prisons
are designed to house
criminals
, society should be more focused on mitigating the
crimes
.
This
can be achieved by deputing
criminals
who committed minor
crimes
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
services
rather than putting them up in jails.
Submitted by harini93.ind on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and outlines your intentions for the essay without too much generalization about crime rates or the changing world.
Coherence/Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to create a clear logical progression between ideas, but be wary of over-reliance on certain phrases. Aim for a more balanced use of conjunctions and topic-related vocabulary.
Task Achievement
Expand your main points with specific, detailed examples to illustrate your arguments. This makes for a more convincing essay that adequately addresses the task.
Conclusion
Develop your conclusion more thoroughly by summarizing your key points and stating your balanced view on the issue. Avoid introducing new ideas or generalized statements in the conclusion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Vocational training
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Sentencing
  • Offenders
  • Justice system
  • Community integration
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