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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year by year. While some people believe prison is the best way to tackle crime, others suggest that community service is more successful.”

As the world becomes
well adapted
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well-adapted
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 to globalization and modernization,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime rates are
also
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 soaring than never before which results in a drastic increase in the population in
the
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apply
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prisons
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. To diminish the rate of
crimes
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 in society, some argue that prison is the ultimate solution, and others contrarily, suggest that community
services
Use synonyms
 would be more appropriate. Both of the aforementioned will be discussed by elaborating on the negative sides involved with the influences that will be obtained in
prisons
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 and the moral benefits of social
services
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. On one hand, some believe that captivity is the key to
be
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mitigating
crimes
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. Indeed, capturing
criminals
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 and keeping them in a cramped room will not facilitate reducing the
crimes
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. In opposite to that, individuals who went astray
due to
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 the circumstances would acquire exposure to the vast society inundated with crime lords.
This
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 environment even exacerbates the persons who
committed
Wrong verb form
commit
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 minor
crimes
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.
For instance
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, if an adolescent commits a little crime
such
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 as theft or a violation of road rules, he should be dealt with distinctly rather than placing him in jail. So that he could get an opportunity to become more obedient than before.
On the other hand
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, community
services
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 will do better rather than keeping them in
prisons
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. As mentioned earlier, individuals who committed
crimes
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due to
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 their circumstances should be provided an opportunity to become a
good-persons
Correct your spelling
persons
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.
This
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 is where social
services
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 play a vital role. When
the
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criminals
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 undergo social service,
such
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 as cleaning
the
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apply
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colleges, painting
the
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libraries, and other social service activities, they
would
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probably get a huge time to think about their mistakes and they realize to never make them again.
To conclude
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,
although
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prisons
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 are designed to house
criminals
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, society should be more focused on mitigating the
crimes
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.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved by deputing
criminals
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 who committed minor
crimes
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
services
Use synonyms
 rather than putting them up in jails.

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and outlines your intentions for the essay without too much generalization about crime rates or the changing world.
Coherence/Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to create a clear logical progression between ideas, but be wary of over-reliance on certain phrases. Aim for a more balanced use of conjunctions and topic-related vocabulary.
Task Achievement
Expand your main points with specific, detailed examples to illustrate your arguments. This makes for a more convincing essay that adequately addresses the task.
Conclusion
Develop your conclusion more thoroughly by summarizing your key points and stating your balanced view on the issue. Avoid introducing new ideas or generalized statements in the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Vocational training
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Sentencing
  • Offenders
  • Justice system
  • Community integration
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