The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
It is undoubtful
thanks
to Correct word choice
that thanks
Internet's
Correct article usage
the Internet's
rapidly
development, online Change the word
rapid
interaction
is taking place
of Correct article usage
the place
contacting
in person in Replace the word
contact
this
modern society. The main benifits
of Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
this
phenomenon are the increase of
Change preposition
in
interaction
frequency and diversity, while
the key drawbacks are be
harm to Change the verb form
are
relationship
bond
and not friendly for certain Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
people
who cannot use social media
.
On one hand, this
form of communication leads to various consequences. To be specific, relying on contact with each other online lessen
the rates of meeting with each other personally, which means it may have a negative impact on Correct subject-verb agreement
lessens
relationship
bonds between friends and families. For example
, people
prefer to have dinner together on a regular basis as a way to show care for others, especially on anniversaries and festivals. Moreover
, it is not friendly for those people
who are not familiar to utilize
smart gadgets and Change preposition
with utilizing
Internet
, Correct article usage
the Internet
due to
the gap, learning how to interact with friends and family members could occupy a large amount of time as they have to learn the using
methods first. Verb problem
apply
Consequently
, they may be unwilling to interact with others.
On the other hand
, this
may be beneficial for people
's interaction
diversity. This
is because using social media
enriches people
's choices on
Change preposition
of
communicaition
methods, Correct your spelling
communication
communications
for example
, video chatting, voice chatting and text messages are the main stream
choices among Correct your spelling
mainstream
people
in China, as well as
emoji, it
plays an irreplaceable role in Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
older Correct article usage
apply
people
's lives especially those live
far away with their children. Correct pronoun usage
who live
In addition
, the frequency of communication will becoming
higher, which means Change the verb form
become
be becoming
people
could
chat with Wrong verb form
can
other
at any time and any place worldwide without geographic limitation. What is more, for those who suffer from social phobia, Correct pronoun usage
others
this
brings more possibilities for them in terms of communication without face-to-face pressure. Hence
, they could stay in their comfort zones such
as at home to connect with the whole world without relationship
pressure.
In conclusion, as with anything in life, relying on contact on social media
has its pros and cons. Although
it would has
negative effects on Wrong verb form
have
relationship
bonds and those who are not familiar with smart devices, I strongly believe that social media
enrich
Correct subject-verb agreement
enriches
people
's interaction
and bring
benefits for those who are living far away or having disorders.Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that the logical structure of the essay is clear and easy to follow. Make sure to organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Avoid long, unbroken blocks of text.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should clearly state your position on the topic and summarize the main points of the essay. Both were somewhat present, but they could be more explicitly stated and developed.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points effectively, provide clear examples and evidence. You should also make sure that these examples are fully elaborated and clearly connected to the argument you're making.
task achievement
It is crucial to fully address the prompt and provide a complete response to the question. Your essay did touch upon the advantages and disadvantages but should spend more time fully explaining and weighing these aspects.
task achievement
Your ideas are present but need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on developing your arguments more fully and providing deeper analysis.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples used in your essay could be more concrete and detailed to better support your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?