At the present time, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In recent years, there have been
people
who argue that the disadvantagous
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
to
have a number of older Add a missing verb
is to
people
. As such
, there are merits and demerits to this
argument, although
I opine that its merits outweigh the demerits. In this
essay, I will examine all the relevant facets based on factual premises.
there are several opinions to suport
Correct your spelling
support
this
argument the most predominant one is the elderly can help uphold morals
and values Correct article usage
the morals
countries
. Change preposition
of countries
Moreover
, government
can use their knowledge and skills Add an article
the government
as
free after they retire. In Change preposition
for
additional
, the longer their life, they can build deeper Replace the word
addition
bonding
with their family. Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
While
it has numerous advantages, increased of
health centre and hospital Change preposition
apply
cost
can burden the government. Usually, the elderly has several chronic disease Fix the agreement mistake
costs
and
can make them Correct word choice
that
to
stay in the hospital long time.
Change the verb form
apply
However
, the older people
might not be productived
enough like the young Correct your spelling
productive
people
. The government depends on young people
to pay taxes. Furthermore
, the competition for looking a
job will be tightened for the young Change preposition
for a
people
because of the elderly. In addition
, the dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependency
rasio
will be risen.
In conclusion, there are a Correct your spelling
ratio
radio
lot
advantages to Add the preposition
lot of
have
more Wrong verb form
having
the
older Correct article usage
apply
people
than young people
especially to
Change preposition
in
biuld
a country with values and moral aspects. Correct your spelling
building
However
, we cannot close our eyes to the numerous disadvantages.Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, focus on creating a more coherent flow of ideas. Use clear and logical transitions between paragraphs and sentences. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and following it with supporting sentences that expand on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are fully developed. The introduction should clearly present the topic and your view on it, while the conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion. Both should be distinct and clearly identifiable sections of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and detailed explanations. Vague statements should be avoided, and your arguments should be substantiated with relevant examples from real-life situations, studies, or your own experiences. This will greatly enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Task Achievement
For a complete response to the task, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt. Your essay should reflect a clear position throughout and directly answer both whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and why. Expand on your points to cover the aspects fully.
Task Achievement
Your ideas should be clear, well-explained, and comprehensive. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea that relates back to the essay question. Avoid overgeneralization and ensure clarity of expression throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is crucial to validating your arguments. Aim to include precise and concrete examples that relate directly to the points you're making, as this will lend greater credibility to your essay and support the arguments you present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example