The use of social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Some
people
think that professional athletes
serve as positive role
models
for young people
and some people
think that they serve as negative role
models
. I will talk about two opinions and then
I make a conclusion.
First
Change the article
The first
opinion
is that professional athletes
serve as positive role
models
for young people
. If we omit overwork, injury and stress, then
of course we can say that they serve as positive role
models
. Sport
is a good thing for health, you improve your body, improve
health of some Correct word choice
and improve
your
organs and professional Change preposition
of your
athletes
shows
that you can do it. You Change the verb form
show
also
can take part in competitions, win the
prizes and be strong and fast, but it is not Correct article usage
apply
only
reason why Add an article
the only
sport
is good for you. Some people
use sport
as a thing that can relieve stress. They don’t
take part in competitions, they don’t
compete with someone. They do sport
just for
maintain health and for peace.
Change preposition
to
Second
Change the article
The second
opinion
is that professional athletes
Change noun form
athletes'
athlete's
behaviour
can have negative influences. Part of this
opinion
is correct. Not all people
have good behaviour
. Include professional athletes
. Some of the athletes
substitute others, go to tricks, behave
immorally. And young Correct word choice
and behave
people
can think that it is the
normal Correct article usage
apply
behaviour
. But these thoughts already depend on upbringing. But if we talk about athletes
, that don’t
mercy themselves and train to exhaustion, then
this
is also
bad, because you need to have rest too. You need to work, to prepare, to train, but and
Correct word choice
apply
don’t
forget about free time, about rest, because without them you can get overwork
and Wrong verb form
overworked
then
you won’t improve yourself, just destroy yourself.
I can’t say that one of the opinions is incorrect. Both opinions take place. Positive or negative role
depends of
Change preposition
on
athlete
that Correct article usage
the athlete
young
Correct article usage
the young
person
like
and what managers or who is the main Replace the word
likes
person
of
Change preposition
in
sport
do with athletes
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
broke
Wrong verb form
break
rules
. Some of them just turn a blind eye to their failures and continue to Correct article usage
the rules
promote
, so some Correct pronoun usage
promote them
of
young Change preposition
apply
peoples
can get Fix the agreement mistake
people
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
opinion
about sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
behaviour
in the sport
. But I can say that first
Correct article usage
the first
opinion
is more correct Change preposition
than that
that
Correct determiner usage
the
second,
because little of athletes
is amoral
Add an article
an amoral
the amoral
person
and young people
see their progress, see that sport
can be interesting and what the result will be,
if they decide to do some kind of Remove the comma
apply
sport
. We can’t do anything with bad
Add an article
a bad
person
, just defeat them in competitions without tricks and protect Fix the agreement mistake
people
yourself
, Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
also
set them as an example of bad behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by dulskywork on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. An effective essay should have a clear opening statement that introduces the topic, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each point in detail, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and restates your position.
task achievement
The essay does not adequately address the question posed in the task. Make sure to address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, along with your opinion. This will contribute to a higher task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clear and distinct ideas in each paragraph. Each paragraph should center around one main idea with a clear topic sentence. This will help enhance the clarity and understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points. General statements should be substantiated with concrete examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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